Yesterday was quite an emotional roller coaster for me. After work, me and another girlfriend, picked up a couple of bottles of wine, some sushi and headed to the home of one of my closest friends for an impromptu gathering. You see, yesterday marks one year ago, when she lost her mother. We just did not want her to spend this day alone. Her mother, the matriarch of the family was very dear to me. Truly she was like a mother to me in Texas as I have no family here, other than a distant cousin, I recently connected with. I still remember how my heart almost stopped when I got the word she had passed. She had recently had surgery, had been recovering very well for 2 weeks, but then had a complication that caused her to be rushed back to the hospital. She died in the ambulance on her way to the ER, they were not able to revive her. I will never forget walking into that hospital and looking at the faces of my friend, her sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews. They are a very large (8 siblings), extremely close family that I was blessed to be adopted by since I moved here many years ago. The hurt they are all still dealing with is tangible. They are a family that constantly celebrates any and everything. There is always someone graduating from college, getting married, having a birthday, getting a promotion, etc & they GO. ALL. OUT. for everyone. Her presence has been so obviously missed this year.
It has been many years since I have had a friend lose their parent. However as I sit here today, thinking of it, three of my closest friends in this world do not have EITHER of their parents here anymore. We are all the same age. The friend I spent yesterday with lost her father years ago, but I had never met him. I have another close friend who lost her mother when she was 6 and her father at the age of 19. My third friend lost her father when she was 20 and her mother 10 years later. Here I am at the age of 41 with BOTH my parents, that raised me and my "biological didn't bother" is still alive as well. In fact the funny thing about yesterday was, while sitting with my friends, I get a call from my mother. When I answer, she says to me " I just got a call from M_______'s sister. She wanted your cell phone number, I hope you didn't mind that I gave it to her." I have had sporadic contact with these people over the years as my biological moved in and out of my life. I have so much more to say about this situation that I will save for another blog. Anyway, within minutes I am getting a call from a strange number with the area code where I am from. I took the call and it was my biological dad. My friend knows the whole enchilada when it comes to my "daddy issues" so I step into her room for some privacy. The context of the call is for another blog, but I will say by the end of the conversation, I had experienced the following emotions: conflicted, frustrated, angry, guilty, hurt, disappointed. I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it all last night & to prepare him for the possibility of meeting him when we go for Thanksgiving later this month, but in the end I was just confused about my feelings.
As I was praying before bed last night, I was thinking of my friends with no parents on this earth and how blessed I am to still have mine, even the one that I am so conflicted about. I asking Him to comfort them and thanking Him for sparing me with such a loss so far in my life. I was wondering if the timing of his call was deliberate, because there are some things that I probably need to deal with once and for all, but keep putting off. The dynamic of parental relationships varies in so many ways. There are people who are not close to their parents, have dysfunction that goes on for years for various reasons. But when I think about the blessing of my mother and my stepfather, and the fact that they still exist on this earth, to support me as no one else can, I am humbled. So today I am thankful that my parents are here. I am thankful that I don't EVER question their love or willingness to support me when I need them. I am thankful in a way that I could never truly express.
What are you thankful for today ?
How is your relationship with your parents ?
Thoughts ? Comments ? Questions ?
Beautifully Complex
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