Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Interpretations: Love

Love is...putting the needs of another person above your own.

Love is never selfish.

Love is...being able to be your true self and being accepted flaws and all. 

Love is unconditional.

Love comes in different forms, romantic love, parental love, sibling love, friend love, Christian love.

Love is universal.

Love can be unexpected, uncontrollable, and unrestrained. It can also be quiet and unassuming.

Love is stronger than pride.

Love survives the ups and downs, the in and outs, the changes in life.

Love may change forms, but if it's real, it always remains.

The unconditional love that I see most of the time is parental love.  Sacrifice is synonymous with this type of love. It's seems like the most consistent and all encompassing.  Maybe because for most people, its the first love they experience. That's why the loss of a parent or a child seems so unbearable.

I think the ability to be unselfish, even when it might not be your first inclination, is the key to a lasting romantic love relationship. Can you imagine two people constantly striving to put the other person' s needs first ? How can you lose like that ? Two people trying to do what's best for the OTHER person everyday for life.  The way I see it, if you are meeting my needs and desires consistently, it won't be hard for me to reciprocate that on a daily, unless I am selfish.

My greatest desire from the standpoint of love is to be loved unconditionally. I need to know that I am loved even on the days when I may not be the most lovable. I need to be confident that I will not be judged by my worst day but the sum total of who I am.  I need to know that you love ME, not the idea of me, and not me in theory. LOL !

Love is one of the most powerful emotions created by God.  True love is very strong, especially when you truly have the capacity to love with an OPEN heart. There are many people who are not open to love and often don't even realize it. I think the most common reason is the fear of the other side... the loss of love. 

In reflecting, I believe that I have experienced true romantic love 3 times in my 41 years, present company included.  The saying about love and loss is really true in my opinion. I think that love is a blessing. Despite the heartbreaks, I am better for having experienced it. However, this is a much easier revelation once you have healed. The most important thing is to not let the loss of love change you and hinder you from being able to experience new love in all of its forms.

What is your interpretation of  love ?

Thoughts ?

Comments ?

Beautifully Complex

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

What I Ate Today

I spent a few weeks eating really, really badly while my nieces and nephew were visiting. Between the cookies, ice cream, chips, hamburgers, hot dogs and pizza. I did not need to get on the scale to realize I had done some damage ! LOL I have finally cleaned out the pantry and the fridge and removed all of the random, leftover snacks that remained after they left. Yesterday I went to the grocery store  after doing some meal planning, so that I can get back on track this week.  So far so good.

Breakfast- I made nice a smoothie with yogurt, frozen peaches, strawberries and pineapples. It was very filling and satisfying.

Mid morning Snack-Green Apple and cheesecake flavored yogurt with graham cracker topping. This was my first time trying this flavor and it was pretty good. I love cheesecake so this was a nice substitute.

Lunch-Turkey Wrap with low fat Pepper jack cheese, mustard, spinach and tomatoes. I made this myself and it was pretty good.  Fat Free Pringles( Sour Cream and Onion flavor). These are pretty good and only 70 calories for 14 chips.  I love sour cream and onion chips and this is a pretty decent cheat for my chips fix. I try not to eat too many of these because the sodium is a bit on the high side.

Afternoon Snack- Another green apple ( I read somewhere that the green apples suppress your appetite) and a fat free jello pudding snack. The flavor was Caramel Soufle. This was really tasty, a kind of whipped cream/caramel combination.

Dinner-Mr. Mixologist was kind enough to grill some chicken wings for us to enjoy tonite. I paired it with a nice large side salad and had 1/2 cup of potatoe salad, which was primarily mustard based, so I didn't feel too guilty about that.

Evening Snack-A nice juicy peach when I first got home and prior to having dinner. Then later while we watched a movie, I had a Weight Watchers Mini Toffee Ice Cream Bar

All in all, I was pleased with how I did today. I drank plenty of water and tried to stay on schedule and eat every 2 hours so by the time I was eating my meals, I wasn't starving. I feel satisfied. I will calculate my calories, fat, carbs and protien tomorrow so that I can see what kind of modifications I may need to make.  But I feel like today was a good day.

What kinds of healthy snacks do you enjoy ?

Do you keep a food diary ?

 Do you find that it helps you with weight loss ?

Observations ? Comments ?

Beautifully Complex

Thursday, August 5, 2010

My Parents

I am blessed to have a wonderful Mom and Dad who support me in every way. The man that I call Dad is actually my step-father since I was twelve. My biological father and I have a more complicated situation, cause I am not sure I would call it a relationship, but I don't really want to use this post to focus on that, at the present time.

My Mother is my absolute biggest fan. Like most mothers I am sure, she thinks that I can do anything ! She has always been willing to give me her very last if necessary to help me to accomplish my goals and dreams. She gave me the gift of reading from an early age and it was one of the greatest, most beneficial things she has every done. I recall the 3 of us( me, her and my sister) laying in her bed, all of us with a book, reading for hours and hours. I remember her taking me and my sister to the Library very regularly and I remember being super excited to get gift certificates from B Dalton Bookstore at Christmas as if I was getting a highly anticipated toy ! I also was taught by example, a very strong work ethic, as I saw my mother work numerous part-time jobs in addition to her main job to insure that me and my sister could participate in numerous activities and extras. In hindsight, I understand how little we actually had, but my childhood memories, were full of happiness and very rare instances where I felt deprived. Prior to my step-father coming into the picture she did this alone with NO CHILD SUPPORT. She never bothered to ask my biological for anything because she figured he knew where we were & should have had an idea of what we needed. Another gift that she has passed on to me is her cooking and baking skills. I am definitely the domesticated one in my generation of cousins & usually am the one that plans all of the holiday gatherings, family events, menus, preparation, etc. Since she passed the torch to me, I am just taking up where she left off and have learned to enjoy it as much as she always has, especially as I have matured. My Mother discovered late in life that she wanted to be a writer and is actually working on getting her fist romance novel published. She submitted some chapters to a publisher, who expressed interest, so she is really excited about getting it completed. She actually wrote too many words and is actually having to pare it down to meet their requirements. I am extremely proud of her and love her to the ends of the earth. Now as nice and pleasant as she seems, when it comes to discipline, she did not play ! As a child, she did not spare the rod with me AT ALL. But I can honestly say that I deserved every whooping that I got because, at one point I was extremely hard headed, with a very smart mouth. LOL.

My relationship with my Dad has been more of an evolution of sorts. With time and maturity, I had to learn how to handle him and how to appreciate the sacrifices that he made for me growing up. As a child, there are alot of things you can't really put into perspective, so I know that I contributed in some ways to the challenges that we had but he also had to own up to some questionable deeds on his part. It is hard to come into a ready made family and find your place. It also takes a special kind of man to take care of another man's children, especially when he is not providing for them AT ALL. The blessing is that I have been able to get beyond alot of misunderstandings from the past between he and I and appreciate his presence in my life. He is a Vietnam Veteran and is also now retired with some pretty serious health challenges that he has faces in recent years. I believe that facing mortality has affected him so much. In fact, he battled depression after some major surgery several years ago, and though he has recovered for the most part,it softened him in many ways. I have learned that if I make sure that my Dad feels like I need him, it makes him feel better, because it makes him feel useful. This seems to be common amoung many men. In fact, sometimes I ask my Dad things that I already know, just to give him a chance to feel more helpful. LOL This has done wonders for our relationship. He used to be a pretty good mechanic back in the day, but unfortunately was not able to keep up with all of the currently vehicle technology. He is fascinated with weather & I can rest assurred that if there is a Hurricane in the Gulf, or if there is flooding in Houston, I will get a call from him within the hour since his TV stays on the Weather Channel ! LOL He is also a very good support for my Mom in many ways, which includes helping her in the kitchen with prep work, etc when she is making trays for someones party, event or something going on at church. He is like her little assistant. He is teased because of his devotion to my mother, because despite maybe one or two men, he really does not have alot of friends that he socializes with, as he would rather be up under my mother ALL.THE.TIME. Hey, it works for them and if they like it, I love it. Most men are very different, so I have to let new suitors know this, my Dad is a different kind of guy. He is not into Sports AT ALL. But I love him as he is and appreciate the love he shows me. In fact, last weekend Mr. Mixologist travelled home with me and met my parents for the first time. When it was time for us to hit the road and they walked us out to the car, my Dad actually shed tears, which then made me get misty. Mr Mixologist was speechless because he didn't expect it. It doesn't always happen but in the last couple of years my Dad has really become a more emotional person.

Comments ?

Observations ?

Questions ?

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My First Love

I was nearing the end of my Senior Year in High School when I met CW. I was pumping gas and he was on the other side, making eyes and trying to get my attention. I am tall 5'10 and he was a little bit shorter than me by an inch or so. I can remember not being very strongly attracted to him initially and thinking that his eyes were too large, or something silly like that, plus his height was somewhat of a turn off, but evidently his game was tight because we ended up in a 3 year relationship and you couldn't tell me he wasn't the ish !

He told me his name and unbeknown to me, he had been a basketball star at an area high school.  I was surprised at this since he was short in my opinion. I  later learned he was a point guard. I specifically remember that he was amazed that I didn't recognize his name, especially since I went to another high school that was a major sports rival to his school. Unfortunately, other than to run track for a couple of years, I was pretty much a book worm/nerd & not necessarily in the popular crowd. Now I was popular with the "scholarly" kids, but in the grand scheme, not so much. As a matter of fact, I was Valedictorian of my class, and I just wasn't into sports and very rarely went to games at my school.  He later told me the fact that I genuinely didn't know who he was made me more attractive to him, because he had had enough of groupie girls that just wanted to date him because he was a popular athlete.

When I got home and called one of my friends & told her about the guy who I met at the gas station and gave my phone number to, she screamed " OMG ! CW ? You met CW at the gas station ? " She then began to extol his virtues, and popularity, etc.  He called shortly thereafter and we were off.  Several weeks later, he attended my High School Graduation and brought me a dozen red roses, which in 1987 was a really big deal ! LOL 

We spent a wonderful summer falling deeply in love. It was really intense. We saw each other every.single.day.  When Fall arrived, I remember him taking me on a special date to celebrate my heading to college at Bennigan's. I remember this vividly because I had my first alcoholic drink, a Long Island Iced Tea, because he knew the waiter, and even though I was only 18, I was having a cocktail, with my boyfriend in a restaurant and baby, I thought I was doing the most ! At the end of the date, when they served dessert, he presented me with a promise ring, and I was done ! It had a pearl with two little diamond "chips" on each side. I wore that ring with so much pride. I actually still have it in a jewelry box somewhere. LOL.

The school I went to was about an hour and a half away, but I promise you that first year, we still saw each other every single weekend and sometimes through the week, when it wasn't during basketball season, he would drive to see me. I was so ate up with this man !  I still have the many, many love letters that he wrote to me in college somewhere tucked away in my Cedar Chest just for nostalgia. 

Sadly we broke up after almost 3 years, during the time that I was actually transferring to a school that would be much closer to him. The breakup was caused by problems that stemmed from a couple of things. First, I found out that he was smoking marijuana on a pretty routine basis.  Which I did not approve of and did not expect, since he was an athlete. He later admitted that he had been hiding this from me since the very beginning, because I was such an L7 ! LOL  Then, I caught him cheating, basically red handed, with the girl coming out of his dorm room, when he thought I was somewhere else.  It turns out that he could smoke weed with this chick, so he in the end chose her over me. 

Oh the heartbreak and heartache this caused me !  I actually made the first and only "F"  I had ever made in my life. I remember the class was Statistics. Because it was the first class of the day on MWF and I would drive to Campus, sit in my car and cry and cry & missed this class so many times, I didn't even know what was going on. But in time, I got over it, but I still remember that it was very hard.

In later years, I heard through the grapevine, that he married the same girl he cheated on me with, they had a couple of kids, and they moved to Arizona for several years. Later they divorced after he developed a drug addiction that he just could not beat. I continued to hear rumors throughout the years, that he was still struggling with drugs. This made me extremely sad when I heard about it because, despite breaking my heart, he was a really good person, that I cared a lot about for a significant time in my life.  And he played a major role in my life story. About 2 years ago, a couple of my cousins saw him out and about in the City we lived in and they informed me that he did in fact appear to be "cracked out", very obviously so and had moved back home. He asked them about me. They mentioned I lived in Houston. He asked if I was married, and when they informed him I was recently divorced, he told one of them, " Here's my number, tell Beautifully Complex to give me a call " LOL !  Ummm..........no ! 

Comments  ?

Questions ?

Observations ?

Beautifully Complex

Monday, August 2, 2010

Me, Myself, and I

My name is Beautifully Complex. I was given this moniker several years ago by a guy that I dated. I really liked the sound of it when he explained what it meant to him, I thought it fit me perfectly. Unfortunately I had to get rid of him, but kept the nickname ! LOL

I am on FB & Twitter & just realized that if you google my government name, you can find my Twitter page which could lead you to this blog. I am still not sure I like that. It's not that the blog is anonymous cause I have photos, etc. But am just not sure that I want it that way, since things get a bit more personal over here. But I do know for a fact that you never know who is reading because I had this blog well before I was on FB or Twitter and a girl I went to High School with found it via another blog and sent me an email after she saw a picture of my sister & figured out this was my blog. Either way, lately I haven't had much time for either of them & really want to focus on writing which is why I wanted to challenge myself for the 30 days & focus on the blog.

I am 41 years old. A true Cancer which means I am loving, emotional, sensitive, nurturing and intuitive. Unfortunately it also means I can be TOO emotional, sensitive and clingy. It's amazing to me how accurate horoscopes can be sometime. LOL

I was born and raised in a midsized Midwestern City about 8 hours from Houston. I have lived in TX for 13 years. I moved here with my ex-husband. I have been divorced for 4 years and am so glad I decided to stay because I love it here. Despite the Hurricane scares during the summer, the weather is great, even though its hot. I would rather live in a warm climate vs. cold.

I USED to be a decent runner, and now I am trying to get somewhere close to where I was. I have completed 4 Half Marathons and several other smaller races in recent years & I do always run the Turkey Trot at least, but it has been a while since I ran a road race and I am starting to regret it. I really don't feel as good as I used to feel when I stayed on top of it & the middle age spread is in full effect! LOL Since it is so hot in Houston in the summer, my boyfriend recently got me a very nice treadmill and dammit I intend to use it & get back on the block.

I love the written word , live music with real instruments and true vocal talent ( I can be a bit of a music snob !). I love wine and wine bars, and am learning more about it everyday. I enjoy good food and of course travelling, be it a plane ride, road trip, or whatever.

I have a job that is pretty secure & sometimes interesting. I like it most days, but on others I feel like it is robbing me of my creativity. I wish I had been encouraged as a child to be more creative than practical. In my dreams I would be a songwriter/producer. I have written some poetry but sadly, I don't trust the Internet enough to share it for the fear that it could be stolen and I don't know enough about how to protect myself from that, so I don't.

That's about all I can think of to give you bit of background on me. Other than to say, my name is Beautifully Complex and I am addicted to blogs !

Comments ?

Thoughts ?

Questions ?

Beautifully Complex

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Blog World... Rinse and Repeat

I have been seeing this blog challenge floating around the internet over the last few days most recently over at Bab's spot. Since I haven't been as consistent as I would like in keeping up with my blog, I though this challenge might help  give me the jumpstart I need to get into the habit of  being able to post more regularly. Especially since my houseful of little ones have been returned home safely. I can now resume  my previously scheduled program of blogging, twitter, and FB ! LOL

So for the next 30 days starting today, I will post on the following topics:

Day 01 – Introduce yourself

Day 02 – Your first love

Day 03 – Your parents

Day 04 – What you ate today

Day 05 – Your definition of love

Day 06 – Your day

Day 07 – Your best friend

Day 08 – A moment

Day 09 – Your beliefs

Day 10 – What you wore today

Day 11 – Your siblings

Day 12 – What’s in your bag

Day 13 – This week

Day 14 – What you wore today

Day 15 – Your dreams

Day 16 – Your first kiss

Day 17 – Your favorite memory

Day 18 – Your favorite birthday

Day 19 – Something you regret

Day 20 – This month

Day 21 – Another moment

Day 22 – Something that upsets you

Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better

Day 24 – Something that makes you cry

Day 25 – A first

Day 26 – Your fears

Day 27 – Your favorite place

Day 28 – Something that you miss

Day 29 – Your aspirations

Day 30 – One last moment

Beautifully Complex