Happy Birthday Babs in Blogland !

Today is the 35th Birthday of one of my most favorite bloggers, Babs.

I always enjoy reading about her daily adventures, shenanigans and fun times. She has truly been an inspiration to me, and is such a helpful, wise and considerate young lady.

Hop on over to her spot http://babsinblogland.com/ & wish her the best !

Love ya Babs !

Thoughtful Thursday-"Laws of Attraction"

I read alot of blogs, so much so, that I have been neglecting my own. Along with Fa.cebook (which is like micro-blogging and more interactive) has kept me away from here for far too long. I am going to try to do better now that summer is almost over. I am currently on a couple of d.ating sit.es too which has also been keeping me occupied. Many of the of blogs I read are dating & relationship oriented & run the gamut from the serious to the hilariously banal. Seems like so many people are in and out of relationships and marriage yet still in "search of satisfaction" as my favorite author J. California Cooper would say. Dating & connecting with people should be fun in my opinion & I know that in the past I have taken a hiatus when it began to feel like a chore to me. I can usually tell when that happens, I get too focused on the search & the failed attempts, which can become exhausting. This then leads to me not being able to muster up much enthusiasm & knowing that this attitude will be what I reflect in my interactions with potential dates, I choose to sit it out for a minute so that I can regroup. I had to do that twice in the last year.
I did decide nearing my milestone birthday this year, that I really wanted to take the focus off of one of my personal goals (to be married again one day) and spend more of my time enjoying the journey. I am trying to be mindful of what I attract based on what I myself project. There was a post this week over at Think Pretty Smart about compatibility. I am in total agreement with this & actually already had something very similar lined out in my dating profiles. I am looking for compatibility in five key areas; spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, physically & financially. I am continually working to improve myself in these areas but am already standing pretty solid where I am now & feel confident that I can attract what I project. I know it may be challenging though & I actually had a sort of spirited debate with a guy a couple of weeks ago while on a date no less. He basically told me that I was expecting too much. The funny thing is, I never specify to potential dates what my actual expectations are in these categories, because I have learned the hard way that some people will attempt to deceive you and try to stretch the facts of who they are to fit your expectations.I couldn't figure out how he thought that I was expecting too much when he didn't even know what my specific standards were. I suspect he already knew he had fallen short of the proverbial bar. The poor little hardhead didn't have a chance with me anyway primarily because he reeked of desperation (this wasn't obvious the night we initally met while I was at a restaurant with some friends). He's divorced for less than 2 years & hasn't had a relationship in that time & kept talking about how bad he wanted to be in a relationship & how he hates "dating" yet in our discussion, it came out that he hadn't done much dating at all. All of his "woe is me" & "I hate being alone" was driving me mad!! It was a total turn off. Guys who just want to be in a relationship & give me the impression that they can just "plug any willing participant in" turn me on my heels. I know men feel the same way about desperate women. Needless to say that was our first and last date. LOL ! Honestly, I do my best to not project much of the disappointment that I myself sometimes feel about being single. I know that I am single today because I haven't connected with the right one. There are a couple of willing participants that just are not a fit for me, so I can patiently wait. I actually think I do a pretty good job in that I stay positive MOST of the time & feel like I live a pretty full life regardless of my relationship status.
I know I have some issues, as most all people do. However, I don't feel flawed and definitely don't look at those who may have successful relationships and feel like I am less than them or anything like that just because it has not happened for me yet, because I know better than that.I have a healthy dose of self-esteem, but something that I have begun to notice is that too many random folks are overly concerned with my dating life. I am not exactly sure why (possibly because most all of my friends are married or in relationships). In over 3 years of being divorced I have been in a couple of short lived relationships, but the rest were just dates that didn't lead anywhere. When I run into friends, or talk to cousins on the phone, or get calls from people I don't talk to often, after we've covered the issues at hand, then comes the long pause & THEY ALWAYS ask "......so, are you seeing anybody special ? " I always give a polite reply but honestly all of the collective pressure that I am made to feel by well intentioned folks is starting to irritate me. I am truly trying to live a "single and satisfied life" but I think society questions whether that is truly possible.
How would you react or respond ?
What are you attracted to in a potential mate ?
What do you think you reflect or project from a dating standpoint ?
Do you believe that single people can ever be truly satisfied ?

40 and Fortunate

Today is my 40th Birthday and I am thankful for all that it represents. Milestones are for reflection and that is something that I have continued to do over the last few years. This past weekend my family and some close friends travelled to Houston to help me celebrate with gusto. I was reminded of how full my life is, despite the disappointments and challenges of the past. I am fortunate and blessed with more than I could ever deserve.

My party was held Saturday night at So.noma Wine Bar and the whole experience truly exceeded my expectations. I absolutely fell in love with this place the first time I went there about a year ago and booked the date about 6 months after that. It is extremely cozy and intimate, not pretentious, yet very classy. I am blessed to have a couple of good friends that went above and beyond to make my ideas of how I wanted it to be become a reality and I won't forget that. Caire & Kim were the perfect Coordinator and Hostess & Brooke took some awesome photos (that for some reason I can't upload to Blogger !) Oh well the ones I took with my camera will have to do for the blog for now. The food was absolutely wonderful and the wine was flowing good and plenty. I still had 6 bottles to take home with me & you know it won't be wasted LOL ! I was on my feet all night, "with the flyest & hottest shoes I own" trying to spend a little time with all of my guests. My calves are still killing me but it was worth it. I do believe that my family and friends enjoyed themselves which was my ultimate goal. Even my blog buddy Tiffany in Houston was in the house to celebrate with me. The staff was very accomodating and the service was excellent !

Prior to the party, I took my family to M.ag.giano's for dinner. I wanted to do something special for my nieces, as they were none too happy that they were not able to be in attendance at the "grown up" party ! I decided to surprise them by having a Limosuine pick us up for dinner. The look on their faces when they came outside the house to leave was truly priceless !

After dinner they actually got to see the place where the party was held when the adults got dropped off and then they got to ride back to the house with the babysitter in the Limo by themselves ! I even got them some "Spar.kling A.pple Ci.der" for the ride. Baby let me tell you they really thought they were doing something. I loved it !!!

I really appreciated my family coming in and being so excited for me. I received some lovely gifts that I truly did not expect. Friday night I hosted a Cookout for my family & though I did most of the cooking, my Mom eagerly pitched in to help as she is always willing to do. Man nobody cuts for you like your Mama !!

Sunday Afternoon, I hosted Brunch at my house for my family, and a few friends. My mama's Chicken & Waffles was off the chain ! Kim hooked up the Mimosas, but the funny thing is so many people were hung over from all the wine on Saturday night, only me and my cousin could stand to drink the champagne ! I had specifically had made it a point to not imbibe TOO much Saturday night so as to be able to truly enjoy the festivities. Funny story: Sunday morning my 66 yr old father was slow to get up and move around, when he finally came in the kitchen to get some coffee he told my brother-in-law that he had a "wine headache". We all stopped and looked at him & my brother-in-law said, " Well Dad, I think they call that a hangover ! LOL"

All in all, I feel peace today. I just want to be in His will. I want to be all that He intends for me to be and I want to work at it each and every year.

I am fortunate...to have love and frienship in my grasp.

I am fortunate....to have family that supports me without hesitation.

I am fortunate....to have good health, a home, and a job.

I am fortunate ...to still have a positive spirit.

I am fortunate ...to still have the mindset to seek the desires of my heart.

I am fortunate ....to know that God's love and salvation matter the most.

In what ways are you fortunate ?

Just Me... Randomly

Just picked up my parents from the airport. They are here for my " Three Day Birthday Extravaganza". They really can't believe I'm 'bout to be 40 in 5 days !

I am feeling Fortunate to be 40 ! My life looks nothing like I thought it would, but I know many people who tell me the exact same thing, so with that I am going to embrace it for real this year.

My mommy and daddy love me to the ends of the earth. They think I am the end all to be all. I am proud that I make them proud. I know that is a blessing. God loves me even more. I am humbled by that.

Fac.ebook is keeping me from blogging, reading blogs, and keeping up with my regular reading. Fa.ceb.ook really is " Crackbook" !!

New Orle.ans and Es.sence was great, but I was too tired to even write about it (other than posting pics on that dang crackbook) ! I can't wait to take someone special back to N.OLA to do some things I missed doing.

My parents shipped my birthday gift and it arrived just before I went to pick them up today. It was exactly what I wanted. My daddy hooked it up. Now I can dock my i.pod and get my party on for real Friday night at my old school cook out !

I wish I could beat my momma at spades !!! Maybe she will let me win since it is my birthday we celebrating and all.........NOT !

My sister and brother-in-law and the littles ones are on the road to Houston right now. My nieces are so excited about celebrating my birthday ! I love them so much it makes me ache sometimes :)

A couple of people who I care deeply about hurt my feelings recently. I wish I could just write people off sometimes. It would be easier on me if I could actually.

I am feeling pretty good about the wines I selected for my Party Saturday night at the Wine Bar. The good thing is that if nobody else likes it, I get to bring it home and drink ALL OF IT ! LOL !!! I think I am turing into a "Wino" in my old age.

I have a nice surprise for my nieces since they are disappointed that they can't go to the "adult "party Saturday night. I know they will enjoy it. I can't wait to see their faces.

I lost 8 pounds for my birthday...that is way short of the 15 that I needed to lose. All that drinking in New Orleans did it ! LOL

Why are a couple of "strays" still calling me from Essence. Why is is hard to believe that I don't remember meeting you on Bourbon, after 2 Hurricanes, especially if you didn't call me the rest of the weekend !

I really pray that I can turn the corner this year on some emotional baggage that needs to be put away, for good. I am going to do my part and let Him do the rest.

My BFF is making her famous Mimosa's at my Brunch on Sunday.

My mama is making chicken and waffles. I am glad I can't fry chicken like my mama or I wouldn't have lost a single pound ! LOL

What is going on random with you ?

Blogger Meet and Greet

Make a Smilebox slideshow

I had to come out of my self-imposed hiatus to recap the fabulous Houston Blogger Meetup we had last night. There were losts of laughs and the food and drinks were great. We planned to do it again very soon.

I waited for my blog friends at the bar at Pa.ppa.dea.ux enjoying a nice glass of Riesling and struck up a conversation with a very nice, handsome young man. He could not believe that I was actually meeting some women I had never met in person, so I had to break down the whole blogging thing. He was interested. We discussed travelling, online dating, and the Houston social scene. He was very gracious and I enjoyed chatting with him.

For dinner, I sat right across from Tyler who is amazingly even more handsome in person. I let him know that I am holding my nieces for him to mature a little bit more. He was very well mannered and extremely patient with all of the craziness going on around him. I was impressed but not surprised.

I wore my leopard sandals and matching headband in honor of our Hostess, the shoe queen, Serenity. She was wearing a beautful turquoise dress and her hair looked great. She was even more beautiful in person.

Serenity has some very cool friends who provided much comic relief and I have no more worries about our children in the public education system, they are in good hands ! LOL

I was posted up with the Fabulous Blog Wifey of Babs, Tiffany in Houston who is the "realest of the real" . We found out just how small the world is and I know there truly is less than "Si.x De.gree.s of S.eperation" LOL !

Thanks Tiffany for the pep talk and words of encouragement about my "situations and thangs". I just may re-think that 28 yr old we talked about :) I can at least get some blog fodder out of it if nothing else.

An Icey was a pleasant surprise, neither of us were expecting the other but I am so glad she came. She was extremely warm and funny.We are gonna have to try and find a 5k. I am motivated now !

Thanks Ladies for a wonderful time. We must do it again soon.

International Gospel

I must say I sat speechless for the first minute of this video ! LOL What struck me the most was that I could not understand a word of what they were saying in Korean but I still felt the Spirit, if you know what I mean. Honestly, I am really proud that positive aspects of black culture have such a world wide appeal.

What are your thoughts ?

Dating Adventures-Online Edition

I have been actively back on the dating scene via a couple of online dating sites recently. I have only had a few dates despite opening communication via emails and phone calls with several potential suitors. I thought the beauty of this forum is the idea that you get to somewhat "weed out" or screen for the people whom you don't think you would be compatible with. In my opinion, the whole essay about yourself and the questions and answers displayed are an opportunity to present who you really are so that both parties can determine the possibilities of compatibility. See for me, compatibility is what I look at FIRST and foremost in some core areas, then my next expectation relates to chemistry which I don't really think can be determined until you meet in person. One of the guys I met about a month ago, I will call him Mr. Marathon. We chatted a couple of times by phone before meeting at a coffee shop. We spent about 2 hours getting to know one another. He is former military, extremely fit & somewhat handsome. Even though its not the usual type of handsome that I am attracted to, I am trying to break out of my box & broaden my dating pool, so I am trying to consider guys who don't normally look like my "type". We had some things in common like running road races and a love of travel. He seems like a pretty straight laced guy, pretty even-keeled. One thing I noticed was he seems to be pretty self-made & confident in his career and accomplishments and overall place in life. The only thing he feels he is missing is a good wife. He is divorced at 45 with two children in their 20's. His answer to the question of whether he wants more kids on his profile was "not sure". In person during our discussion the answer seemed more like "probably not". The other issue that came up was the fact that he is not an active member of any church despite professing to be a Christian, nor does he attend church other than sporadically. I try to tread lightly in this area when discussing with folks, but I am always interested in why able bodied Christians don't attend worship services. His answer was that 3-4 yrs ago he was a member of a church but that they wanted too much of his time. There was always some event or function that required his service ( time or talent) and it just got to be too much so he quit going to church.
***crickets***
I guess I was wondering why he didn't just find another church and become a "less active" participant and maybe my thoughts were showing on my face, because he then came back with the statement that ".... well, you know, I know some really bad people, living really foul lives that go to church every Sunday...." and " Everybody that goes to church is not a Christian, etc."
***double crickets***
This has to be my all time worst excuse that people give for not going to church ! I mean in all of Houston, you can't find a church to attend that's not full of heathens ? LOL ! Furthermore, how is it that you let the person standing next to you in worship & what they do in their day to day life, dictate whether or not you want to be in the service to receive food for your own spirit ? I guess I was hoping he would just admit to backsliding and indicate that he planned to get back involved but just needed to make the commitment or something along those lines, but to put it on the other people in church ?! I don't get it.

Anyway this was a huge red flag for me for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I expect any man with real potential to be my husband to be in position spiritually to lead our household in this area. I am dating men in their late 30's & early 40's so I expect a certain amount of spiritual maturity at this point in their life, or at least the quest for it. I mean if you call yourself a Christian, what could you be waiting on at this point in life ? Also, I have a really close firsthand example of this issue because I have a very close friend who has been married for about 8 years now. Her husband did not go to church when they met. He was Baptist but hadn't been active since childhood. She is Catholic attends every Sunday, sings in the Choir too. While dating he attended sporadically with her but even then, it was not regular attendance on his part. She has admitted to me that even to this day, it is something that she really resents about him, especially on Sundays when she gets up, cooks breakfast, gets their child ready for church, and they go alone, leaving her husband to sleep in and watch sports, or whatever he has deemed more important than attending church with his family. I know as a Christian, you are supposed to witness and bring others into the body of Christ, but in my friends situation, he claims to be a Christian and to be saved, just makes excuses for not going to church. Every now & then, he will sense her anger about this, go with them for a Sunday or two, until she is not obviously angry about it, but then he just slips back into his normal pattern of not going. In the end, other things just have priority in his mind, in my opinion. That is why I would hope to meet someone who is already committed to their own spiritual position & practicing it in their life. I really don't want someone, specifically a man, to start going to church, just because he is dating me, because then I would think its about me and not his own personal spiritual growth. I really try to live a life of balance, spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally & financially. I have standards and expectations for myself in all of these areas & I look for potential mates that are compatible with ME in these same areas. After being married for 10 years and observing many other marriages, I just don't see how it can last long term when you are not compatible in some key areas.

How important is spirituality to you in dating ? Do you consider attending worship service regularly a part of spiritual growth ?

What are some of your most important areas or of compatibility ?

Have you ever compromised in any of these areas in a relationship ?

How did that work out ?