Thursday, August 20, 2009

Thoughtful Thursday-"Laws of Attraction"

I read alot of blogs, so much so, that I have been neglecting my own. Along with Fa.cebook (which is like micro-blogging and more interactive) has kept me away from here for far too long. I am going to try to do better now that summer is almost over. I am currently on a couple of d.ating sit.es too which has also been keeping me occupied. Many of the of blogs I read are dating & relationship oriented & run the gamut from the serious to the hilariously banal. Seems like so many people are in and out of relationships and marriage yet still in "search of satisfaction" as my favorite author J. California Cooper would say. Dating & connecting with people should be fun in my opinion & I know that in the past I have taken a hiatus when it began to feel like a chore to me. I can usually tell when that happens, I get too focused on the search & the failed attempts, which can become exhausting. This then leads to me not being able to muster up much enthusiasm & knowing that this attitude will be what I reflect in my interactions with potential dates, I choose to sit it out for a minute so that I can regroup. I had to do that twice in the last year.
I did decide nearing my milestone birthday this year, that I really wanted to take the focus off of one of my personal goals (to be married again one day) and spend more of my time enjoying the journey. I am trying to be mindful of what I attract based on what I myself project. There was a post this week over at Think Pretty Smart about compatibility. I am in total agreement with this & actually already had something very similar lined out in my dating profiles. I am looking for compatibility in five key areas; spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, physically & financially. I am continually working to improve myself in these areas but am already standing pretty solid where I am now & feel confident that I can attract what I project. I know it may be challenging though & I actually had a sort of spirited debate with a guy a couple of weeks ago while on a date no less. He basically told me that I was expecting too much. The funny thing is, I never specify to potential dates what my actual expectations are in these categories, because I have learned the hard way that some people will attempt to deceive you and try to stretch the facts of who they are to fit your expectations.I couldn't figure out how he thought that I was expecting too much when he didn't even know what my specific standards were. I suspect he already knew he had fallen short of the proverbial bar. The poor little hardhead didn't have a chance with me anyway primarily because he reeked of desperation (this wasn't obvious the night we initally met while I was at a restaurant with some friends). He's divorced for less than 2 years & hasn't had a relationship in that time & kept talking about how bad he wanted to be in a relationship & how he hates "dating" yet in our discussion, it came out that he hadn't done much dating at all. All of his "woe is me" & "I hate being alone" was driving me mad!! It was a total turn off. Guys who just want to be in a relationship & give me the impression that they can just "plug any willing participant in" turn me on my heels. I know men feel the same way about desperate women. Needless to say that was our first and last date. LOL ! Honestly, I do my best to not project much of the disappointment that I myself sometimes feel about being single. I know that I am single today because I haven't connected with the right one. There are a couple of willing participants that just are not a fit for me, so I can patiently wait. I actually think I do a pretty good job in that I stay positive MOST of the time & feel like I live a pretty full life regardless of my relationship status.
I know I have some issues, as most all people do. However, I don't feel flawed and definitely don't look at those who may have successful relationships and feel like I am less than them or anything like that just because it has not happened for me yet, because I know better than that.I have a healthy dose of self-esteem, but something that I have begun to notice is that too many random folks are overly concerned with my dating life. I am not exactly sure why (possibly because most all of my friends are married or in relationships). In over 3 years of being divorced I have been in a couple of short lived relationships, but the rest were just dates that didn't lead anywhere. When I run into friends, or talk to cousins on the phone, or get calls from people I don't talk to often, after we've covered the issues at hand, then comes the long pause & THEY ALWAYS ask "......so, are you seeing anybody special ? " I always give a polite reply but honestly all of the collective pressure that I am made to feel by well intentioned folks is starting to irritate me. I am truly trying to live a "single and satisfied life" but I think society questions whether that is truly possible.
How would you react or respond ?
What are you attracted to in a potential mate ?
What do you think you reflect or project from a dating standpoint ?
Do you believe that single people can ever be truly satisfied ?

2 comments:

trinimerican said...

Hi! I just found your blog and I know you wrote this awhile ago but....I too get that question "...so are you seeing anyone special?" all too often. I don't think people are trying to put pressure on you (us) but they don't realize that they aren't the only ones asking the question. They also don't put themselves in our situation. They wouldn't want to answer that question every week...

Beautifully Complex said...

Hi Trini thanks for stopping by & commenting. You make a great observation I hadn't considered & I well definitely keep this in mind when I am responding to this question (again next week :)