This past weekend, while hanging out at a friends pool, I met or should I say, got reacquainted with a guy that I had met several months ago. This guy is the frat brother of one of my dear friends' husband. We met the 1st time around Christmas at a party hosted by these friends. I was there with a guy that I was dating exclusively at the time. We met again at a gathering about 3 months ago. This time I was there with my dear friend. Now I don't remember all of the details, but evidently we had conversation, and some mild flirtation, but for me after a couple of martini's, it comes easy. I try my best to not get out of hand, its just part of being sociable. Anyway, this guy seems cool, he is funny, somewhat attractive,a bit arrogant( I like confidence better) but, no worries, I can handle myself. Well in the days following the party, my dear friend calls & says "NY" is so caught up with you, he was begging me for your number, he is in love with your laugh, etc., etc.(Sidenote-I really love a good joke, like to laugh & have a wicked since of humor. However, in most cases I am laughing for one of two reasons; either you said something truly funny, or you said something extremely stupid & rather than check you on it, I am laughing at you !) Now my dear friend, knows my whole story (for the most part) and she has been in the know of ALOT of my dating dramas, helped me through my divorce,.etc. So she proceeds to fill me in on the background info on this guy & fills me in on what she knows about his past. In college, he was the biggest ho on the yard, he dogged his wife out for years & years before she finally divorced him, currently he has a live in girlfriend,but nobody ever sees her, he's a party boy, on & on. Nothing at this point has sparked my interest. It was just girl talk (i.e. gossip), I made mental notes. However it was not a concern for I was in a relationship at the time and truly focused on that. Fast forward 3 months. They had another party during the 4th of July ( I was kicking it hard in New Orleans at Essence with some other friends!). This guy was evidently at their party & was looking for me/expecting me to be there. Of course I was told of this later. Currently, my relationship is in limbo (that's another post) and we are in the process of trying to figure things out. Both parties involved are aware of this fact as it has been expressed & understood. Things are different, but there is still some communication & a desire to figure things out. My relationship is actually a long distance relationship. He lives in another city that is a 2 hr plane ride from here. However during the 10 months we have been together someone travelled every other weekend ( up until the last 2 months).Anyhow, I got a chance to chat with "NY" at this pool party last weekend and I must say, the wonders of men & how they think never ceases to amaze me ! First of all compliments are nice, women usually appreciate them, but after a while, it can get a little redundant. Can we have a conversation ? Can you ask a thoughtful question ? I mean damn are you really trying to get to know me ?Secondly, stop telling me how picky & selective you are, and how special I must be to have gotten/maintained your attention when you don't even know me ! The only thing you could be focused on is the physical aspect of me, which in my opinion is the least of me !! Hell I knew I was a star before I met you and will still be one when you leave,and it has nothing to do with how I look ! Third, assume that because we know the same people, that they talk, and yes I do know something about your current situation. Please keep that in mind, while you are spinning your tale. Now dude has a "live in" girlfriend mind you, he said girlfriend. I simply indicated that I am in a relationship & that currently I am focused on it. I guess what ultimately kills me is that he then proceeds to tell me how unhappy he is, why its not working, etc. etc. so I am trying to figure out why you are not single ??? At some point he mentioned his previous marriage & how badly he treated his wife and how he now has regrets, but that he was just immature & he has grown. Yet he continues to push up on me in a major way, trying to get me to admit my interest in him, trying to get my number, telling me that I am just what he is looking for while he is currently in a live in relationship!!! Hell, in some states he would be considered "common law married " ! I have no respect for anyone male or female that cannot bear the idea of being single and being alone (unattached, not living with someone-even if out of convenience) prior to entering into another relationship.
Men it seems have the hardest time with this and I wonder do we as women contribute to it ?
Is it an ego trip for women to be the chick that he left someone for?
Why don't people in general have respect for other's relationships ?
The best thing he could have done would have been to conduct himself with respect ( i.e. don't dog out your current girlfriend), don't challenge my situation ( He actually said " I bet I can make you forget about ol' boy") ,find some common interests, talk to me like a person, and try to make a friend. If after that, there is some mutual attraction, it will be duly noted. Then, if the next time you see me, if I happen to be single, and you happen to be single, maybe you might get a shot !
Ultimately, I noticed a couple of things that stopped me cold, even if both I and this guy had been single:
First: He smoked cigarettes like a chimney ! None of my friends smoke. That is a big turnoff to me from a hygiene/grooming standpoint. Now imagine my reaction when after walking me to my car, he actually told me he wanted to kiss me.....eeewww !
Second: I told him that I had to leave the party early because I had to get up early and run in the AM. He actually said " you mean like with tennis shoes outside ? I mean I see people do that on TV but I didn't think people actually did that in real life!" Ok so health conscious you are not-
( thats a minus -15 off the top!)
Thirdly: I bet this guy couldn't tell you 3 things he learned about me over
the course of 2 hours that would confirm why he is interested in me. I spent most of my time listening to his drama. Some people really don't understand the art/dynamics of conversation.
If it hadn't been for the Watermelon Martini's I would've left way earlier:)