Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Breaking the Silence

Yesterday I mentioned a guy that I met about six weeks ago online. I met him on this site called P.lenty of F.ish that Tiffany in Houston told me about. I've been on the site for about 3 months & have met a couple of nice guys just no connection yet. So one day this guy contacts me first by email & the communication begins. We had two or three good phone conversations, got past the basic background info, 41, divorced for a little over a year, a couple of kids back in VA, retired military, no red flags at all. We decided to meet within a week. We met at a nice wine bar(of course) and had great conversation, he wasn't overly touchy or anything, but after a couple of hours of conversation and a couple of glasses of vino, I was feeling comfortable and so was he, and I was feeling a little cozy, but the conversation never really got into weird territory or anything. I thought I was feeling some chemistry & after 4 hours of talking, laughing & him planning our next date, I just knew I would see him again, and soon. He walked me to my car, we shared a nice kiss before departing & even chatted early the next morning to discuss finalizing the plans for our followup date. He was headed to his dads house to watch football & was supposed to call me around 6P. When he didn't call me I called him later that evening around 8P & left a voice mail. I called again the next day but hung up when his voice mail picked up. I was going to leave the ball in his court. I never heard from him again and I never initiated any more contact. That was six weeks ago.

Breaking the Silence

That was what he wrote in the subject line of the email I got yesterday. The rest read as follows :

Dear Beautifully Complex,
I know I'm wrong but hear me out, I did enjoy our night together but I don't think, you were looking for the same thing as me. I'm not looking to settle down right now, I am looking to play a little first. I am kinda heavy into the swingers life style right now and I did not read that from you at all. If I was wrong please let me know !!

Wow ! Just wow! Did I dodge a bullet or what ? I promptly replied :

I appreciate your explanation, because honestly, I was very confused by your disappearing act. But as I explained to you and showed you, I don't pursue men who don't seem interested in me. I know that my profile states that I am looking for "long term" and "children" so I am not sure why you had any indication that I was open to that type of lifestyle, or why you would have approached me from the beginning, but I appreciate you letting me know the deal just the same. I have been divorced for over 3 years and have pretty much played as much as I need to & am trying to be true to who I am as a woman. So, no you did not read me wrong at all ! We are definitely looking for totally different things. I wish you success in your search for your hearts desire.

Beautifully Complex

The truth really is stranger than fiction. I mean I could not make this stuff up ! Initially I told one of my friends that I figured that he must have lied about his status ( i. e, he was either married or separated) and figured out from our conversation on the date that it would not fly with me. Later, I just considered that he is single and dating & just encountered someone he was more interested in than me. But the idea that he is a swin.ger and looking to recruit me ! LOL You could have knocked me over with a feather.

I will never understand why people feel the need to fish in the wrong pond. I mean the internet is full of specialized websites to fit just about any niche that exists. This particular dating site has numerous parameters that you can set to determine whom you would like to date. The categories are almost endless. So why pursue someones profile who is completely opposite of what you are trying to do ? What happened to compatibility as a criteria ?Are men just that caught up in the challenge of changing your mind or trying to chop you down ? I am really curious as to what made him contact me after six weeks. I mean, I clearly moved on & he got absolutely no contact from me to indicate that I was even wondering what was up, I did a vanishing act myself after 2 unanswered calls which is customary for me when there is no reciprocity.

The last line killed me " If I was wrong please let me know " HA ! I guess this was his last ditch effort to pull me into this nonsense. Now that I am thinking about it, this fool probably contacted me again because he is not having any luck recruiting any other unsuspecting victims, so he's decided to use the direct approach, yeah just put it out there & see what she says ! LOL Oh well, at least I got a blog post out of it !

Have you ever met any real life swingers ? Ever been recruited or invited to participate ?


Don said...

Too funny @ But the idea that he is a swin.ger and looking to recruit me ! LOL You could have knocked me over with a feather. The beginning read like a love story, and I was really feeling the interaction. Then, once I arrived at the part where six weeks had passed and nothing, I was confused myself.

A swinger trying to recruit. LOL. Oh well, like you said at least you were able to pump a blog post from the deal. Remain true to yourself - it's the foundation of inner peace.

No I haven't experienced such a thing. Like yourself, I have met online and dated twice.

Beautifully Complex said...

@Don, this has proved to me that you never know what is going on with the other side of the equation in some of these dating dynamics. There really are normal people who date online, its just the crazy ones that make the blogs ! HA

Anonymous said...

*lol* @ "if I was wrong please let me know!". A great make friend of mine from high school is heavy into the swinging lifestyle. No, he has never tried to recruit me and he knows I have no interest in hearing about that part of his life. He's 37 and has been into it for over 10 years. He loves it and says he has no intention of ever settling down. Wow!

Beautifully Complex said...

@ mrstdj I have heard that it is a growing subculture in many cities & I guess somebody has to be participating if its growing so fast.

JJai said...

Once I was on a date at a cozy bar and we started chatting with two other "couples"

Strangely, they were each from 4 different cities which were not the city we were in.

They began to compliment me and my date. Saying how pretty I am; how handsome he is....What are doing later?

Needless to say; I picked up on it. Sheesh!

Beautifully Complex said...

@ JJai I so glad you smelled the "setup" ! LOL Thanks for stopping by and commenting :)