My First Love

I was nearing the end of my Senior Year in High School when I met CW. I was pumping gas and he was on the other side, making eyes and trying to get my attention. I am tall 5'10 and he was a little bit shorter than me by an inch or so. I can remember not being very strongly attracted to him initially and thinking that his eyes were too large, or something silly like that, plus his height was somewhat of a turn off, but evidently his game was tight because we ended up in a 3 year relationship and you couldn't tell me he wasn't the ish !

He told me his name and unbeknown to me, he had been a basketball star at an area high school.  I was surprised at this since he was short in my opinion. I  later learned he was a point guard. I specifically remember that he was amazed that I didn't recognize his name, especially since I went to another high school that was a major sports rival to his school. Unfortunately, other than to run track for a couple of years, I was pretty much a book worm/nerd & not necessarily in the popular crowd. Now I was popular with the "scholarly" kids, but in the grand scheme, not so much. As a matter of fact, I was Valedictorian of my class, and I just wasn't into sports and very rarely went to games at my school.  He later told me the fact that I genuinely didn't know who he was made me more attractive to him, because he had had enough of groupie girls that just wanted to date him because he was a popular athlete.

When I got home and called one of my friends & told her about the guy who I met at the gas station and gave my phone number to, she screamed " OMG ! CW ? You met CW at the gas station ? " She then began to extol his virtues, and popularity, etc.  He called shortly thereafter and we were off.  Several weeks later, he attended my High School Graduation and brought me a dozen red roses, which in 1987 was a really big deal ! LOL 

We spent a wonderful summer falling deeply in love. It was really intense. We saw each other every.single.day.  When Fall arrived, I remember him taking me on a special date to celebrate my heading to college at Bennigan's. I remember this vividly because I had my first alcoholic drink, a Long Island Iced Tea, because he knew the waiter, and even though I was only 18, I was having a cocktail, with my boyfriend in a restaurant and baby, I thought I was doing the most ! At the end of the date, when they served dessert, he presented me with a promise ring, and I was done ! It had a pearl with two little diamond "chips" on each side. I wore that ring with so much pride. I actually still have it in a jewelry box somewhere. LOL.

The school I went to was about an hour and a half away, but I promise you that first year, we still saw each other every single weekend and sometimes through the week, when it wasn't during basketball season, he would drive to see me. I was so ate up with this man !  I still have the many, many love letters that he wrote to me in college somewhere tucked away in my Cedar Chest just for nostalgia. 

Sadly we broke up after almost 3 years, during the time that I was actually transferring to a school that would be much closer to him. The breakup was caused by problems that stemmed from a couple of things. First, I found out that he was smoking marijuana on a pretty routine basis.  Which I did not approve of and did not expect, since he was an athlete. He later admitted that he had been hiding this from me since the very beginning, because I was such an L7 ! LOL  Then, I caught him cheating, basically red handed, with the girl coming out of his dorm room, when he thought I was somewhere else.  It turns out that he could smoke weed with this chick, so he in the end chose her over me. 

Oh the heartbreak and heartache this caused me !  I actually made the first and only "F"  I had ever made in my life. I remember the class was Statistics. Because it was the first class of the day on MWF and I would drive to Campus, sit in my car and cry and cry & missed this class so many times, I didn't even know what was going on. But in time, I got over it, but I still remember that it was very hard.

In later years, I heard through the grapevine, that he married the same girl he cheated on me with, they had a couple of kids, and they moved to Arizona for several years. Later they divorced after he developed a drug addiction that he just could not beat. I continued to hear rumors throughout the years, that he was still struggling with drugs. This made me extremely sad when I heard about it because, despite breaking my heart, he was a really good person, that I cared a lot about for a significant time in my life.  And he played a major role in my life story. About 2 years ago, a couple of my cousins saw him out and about in the City we lived in and they informed me that he did in fact appear to be "cracked out", very obviously so and had moved back home. He asked them about me. They mentioned I lived in Houston. He asked if I was married, and when they informed him I was recently divorced, he told one of them, " Here's my number, tell Beautifully Complex to give me a call " LOL !  Ummm..........no ! 

Comments  ?

Questions ?

Observations ?

Beautifully Complex

Me, Myself, and I

My name is Beautifully Complex. I was given this moniker several years ago by a guy that I dated. I really liked the sound of it when he explained what it meant to him, I thought it fit me perfectly. Unfortunately I had to get rid of him, but kept the nickname ! LOL

I am on FB & Twitter & just realized that if you google my government name, you can find my Twitter page which could lead you to this blog. I am still not sure I like that. It's not that the blog is anonymous cause I have photos, etc. But am just not sure that I want it that way, since things get a bit more personal over here. But I do know for a fact that you never know who is reading because I had this blog well before I was on FB or Twitter and a girl I went to High School with found it via another blog and sent me an email after she saw a picture of my sister & figured out this was my blog. Either way, lately I haven't had much time for either of them & really want to focus on writing which is why I wanted to challenge myself for the 30 days & focus on the blog.


I am 41 years old. A true Cancer which means I am loving, emotional, sensitive, nurturing and intuitive. Unfortunately it also means I can be TOO emotional, sensitive and clingy. It's amazing to me how accurate horoscopes can be sometime. LOL

I was born and raised in a midsized Midwestern City about 8 hours from Houston. I have lived in TX for 13 years. I moved here with my ex-husband. I have been divorced for 4 years and am so glad I decided to stay because I love it here. Despite the Hurricane scares during the summer, the weather is great, even though its hot. I would rather live in a warm climate vs. cold.

I USED to be a decent runner, and now I am trying to get somewhere close to where I was. I have completed 4 Half Marathons and several other smaller races in recent years & I do always run the Turkey Trot at least, but it has been a while since I ran a road race and I am starting to regret it. I really don't feel as good as I used to feel when I stayed on top of it & the middle age spread is in full effect! LOL Since it is so hot in Houston in the summer, my boyfriend recently got me a very nice treadmill and dammit I intend to use it & get back on the block.


I love the written word , live music with real instruments and true vocal talent ( I can be a bit of a music snob !). I love wine and wine bars, and am learning more about it everyday. I enjoy good food and of course travelling, be it a plane ride, road trip, or whatever.

I have a job that is pretty secure & sometimes interesting. I like it most days, but on others I feel like it is robbing me of my creativity. I wish I had been encouraged as a child to be more creative than practical. In my dreams I would be a songwriter/producer. I have written some poetry but sadly, I don't trust the Internet enough to share it for the fear that it could be stolen and I don't know enough about how to protect myself from that, so I don't.

That's about all I can think of to give you bit of background on me. Other than to say, my name is Beautifully Complex and I am addicted to blogs !

Comments ?

Thoughts ?

Questions ?

Beautifully Complex

Blog World... Rinse and Repeat

I have been seeing this blog challenge floating around the internet over the last few days most recently over at Bab's spot. Since I haven't been as consistent as I would like in keeping up with my blog, I though this challenge might help  give me the jumpstart I need to get into the habit of  being able to post more regularly. Especially since my houseful of little ones have been returned home safely. I can now resume  my previously scheduled program of blogging, twitter, and FB ! LOL

So for the next 30 days starting today, I will post on the following topics:

Day 01 – Introduce yourself

Day 02 – Your first love

Day 03 – Your parents

Day 04 – What you ate today

Day 05 – Your definition of love

Day 06 – Your day

Day 07 – Your best friend

Day 08 – A moment

Day 09 – Your beliefs

Day 10 – What you wore today

Day 11 – Your siblings

Day 12 – What’s in your bag

Day 13 – This week

Day 14 – What you wore today

Day 15 – Your dreams

Day 16 – Your first kiss

Day 17 – Your favorite memory

Day 18 – Your favorite birthday

Day 19 – Something you regret

Day 20 – This month

Day 21 – Another moment

Day 22 – Something that upsets you

Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better

Day 24 – Something that makes you cry

Day 25 – A first

Day 26 – Your fears

Day 27 – Your favorite place

Day 28 – Something that you miss

Day 29 – Your aspirations

Day 30 – One last moment

Beautifully Complex

Reflections on Family

I have had a fun filled two weeks with my nieces and nephews,  but I can honestly say they have worn me out ! LOL I try to make their trips to Houston full of activities and to be honest sometimes I may overdo it, but I just feel like I am missing out on so much of their development since we don't live close, so I really concentrate on "making memories" and they seem to enjoy it. This is the same crew that comes for Spring Break each year. I only have one sister (my biological father does have other kids but I didn't grow up with them and don't know them very well). We grew up close with our cousins, because our mothers were extremely close. My sister has 3 kids and two of my cousins send their daughters too, so I end up having six kids ranging in ages of 3 to 16. Now I can say the oldest one, my cousins daughter is a great help, without her assistance with washing and combing heads,  fixing plates, I don't know if I could make it some days. My sister's oldest Savannah who is almost 10 is also a huge help especially with her 3yr old brother, plus she is a bit of a busy body, and wants to be involved in everything, which sometimes works in my favor when I need her ! LOL

My family arrived the day after my birthday to bring the kids to Houston, and  all the parents stayed over the weekend before heading back home. It was so funny, my cousins 5 yr old Alexandra, must have thought her parents were just going to drop her off and keep it moving cause we were having breakfast on Saturday and she looked at her dad and said "so when are y'all leaving ?"  LMAO we cracked up, and her dad said, "why do you ask ?" and she said, " I was just wondering cause I'm on vacation !" LOL We were dying laughing ! 

For the most part, I let them get away with a lot, staying up late, sleeping in, snacking just being kids, but they are at the age where all of their personalities are becoming so developed and there are some conflicts that arise, some arguing, etc. which I know is just natural kids stuff. It's funny to listen to them when they think no one is paying attention. Listening to how they resolve conflict, how they brag, even tell tall tales trying to impress one another, and even how they try to manipulate me like I don't see them coming a mile away ! LOL

It rained quite a bit over these past weeks, so a lot of the outdoor activities I planned got rained out, like Kemah Boardwalk (ooh their feelings were hurt !), but we did get to go the Aquarium Downtown and Itz for Olivia's 8th Birthday as well as roller skating and painting and a couple of movies. We had to move it indoors for the most part but still managed to have some fun. 

Now I know I have said this before, but it bears repeating. Every time these children come here, turn my life upside down and then leave me to myself, I have a renewed respect for the daily time, attention, work,  and commitment to nurturing that full time mother's put in day after day. I mean mad respect. As a single person who lives alone with only me to be responsible for on a daily basis, I can easily see what an full-time... or I should say overtime job motherhood is in a very real way. Not to mention the emotional aspect of being a constant encourager, answering the craziest questions, having to discipline, etc. Then, getting those kids dressed for church on Sunday after cooking breakfast and combing hair was enough to have me spent and as soon as service was over, it was time to feed them yet again. ! Ooh wee.

One of the things that definitely adds to my work load is the swimming. I am definitely a water baby. Me and my sister both have been swimming since were were 7 & 8. I love the fact that these kids love the water and are not afraid of it at all just like us. The younger ones see that the older ones can swim and want to keep up with them so they are doing their best to learn too. The only thing is all these kids have lots of hair, and you have to take great care to insure that the chlorine gets out.  So some days when I just did not have it in me to do the full on  hair production yet again, I had to say no, but most days I would just suck it up, because I can vividly remember and still know of the joy that swimming brings ! We have a community pool in my Subdivision a few blocks away, but last summer, the crew managed to charm my neighbor across the street who has a huge two story house with a pool and jacuzzi in the back. She invited them last year to come over any time and again this year when she saw they had arrived, gave us the same open invitation, which we accepted several times these past two weeks.  Since we are traveling tomorrow, while we were out today, I let them  get her a gift card and a thank you card. They were so excited to get back home, write their own personal messages in the card and run it over to her house ! LOL

So tomorrow is the final day. I have been washing and packing all evening, getting the snacks for the road trip ready, and preparing myself for the long ride. Although, I will have help with that. Mr. Mixologist will be driving us back tomorrow. He has been a big help as well, even took them to Imaginations to paint while I went to the Salon to get my hair done and a pedicure ! Huge points. He grilled for us last week and also treated us to a movie and these kids are working their way into his heart ! LOL.  When he wasn't around they were asking about him.... his status.... his ETA ! LOL .  Mr. Mixologist  did make my birthday special, he cooked dinner for me, gave a beautiful card, and did not disappoint when he presented me with great seats to this Concert. When my family got here two weeks ago, we had a little belated happy hour for my birthday here at the house, and he worked really hard, serving up his famous libations to which they were much appreciative. So all in all my birthday was great ! 

**ahem**

Yes, Mr. Mixologist is going home to meet the family :) I am a little excited, yet nervous. Don't really know why, but feel silly that it matters so much. Hope it goes well.... I know that it's going to be OK,  but I am still anxious. I guess since it has been along time since any body mattered this much, I just want it to go well... on both ends. I don't want to put too much pressure on the situation but truthfully, when you live far away, usually you only bring  significant people around your folks. Maybe in some small way, I am worried that taking this step too soon might jinx it & then as soon as I say it, that sounds silly LOL, but I am being honest. My parents & aunts,uncle and other cousins are anxious to meet him and I guess just curious, and very excited that things are working well for us, so they want to get a look at him! LOL My cousins gave good reports from two weeks ago. Best believe I heard about that. So anyway wish me luck. I am sure that I am anxious for nothing.

How has your summer been ?

Created any special memories ?

Comments or Observations ?

Beautifully Complex

Birthday Edition - Just Me.......... Randomly

Happy Birthday to me....... Happy Birthday to me !

So thankful to be blessed to see another year and this one went by very fast. I am seriously understanding the meaning of enjoying life every. single. day. because this time is not waiting... at all. LOL



I am appreciating simple things more and more it seems. I don't know if its age, maturity, wisdom or a combination of all three but I am enjoying the fullness of my life and every experience that each day brings.



I am learning the art of saying no...without the guilt. I am a reformed "people pleaser" and I used to allow it to stress me out. I say "used to" like it has changed totally LOL ! The truth is, it is still hard for me occasionally, but I am definitely getting better. I used to want to commit to everything and everybody, but I am learning to accept that I can't do everything. Conflicts arise some out of your control. I recently missed my line sisters baby shower which would have required traveling quite a distance. I really did want to see her and everyone there. I just couldn't make it happen and I am OK with it. On to the next one.



Just got back from NOLA last week. I attended my 12th Essence Festival ! I have to admit it took me about 3 days to recover no joke. Now on the way home I can honestly say I was really beginning to feel my age for the first time. I used to bounce back much faster. Either way I can't imagine going anywhere else for the 4th of July it just wouldn't seem right. I appreciate the way that Essence tweaks things a bit every year so that it's what you expect, yet still different. Now for the record, I definitely missed Frankie Beverly and Maze and cry foul on the decision to remove them from the lineup this year. Not that Earth Wind & Fire isn't a good band, because they most definitely are, but I just feel like Frankie & Maze are just staples of the Essence experience & they should not have messed with that tradition. But they didn't consult with me. LOL



Saw my favorites of course, Lalah Hathaway, Ledisi, Mint Condition, Joe to name a few. I looooooove the Superlounges so much better than the main stage. It seems the Artists that I like the best are always there. I love the intimate setting & the fact that I can make eye contact with the Artists & get right up close to the stage. I follow Lalah & Ledisi on twitter so that was pretty cool to keep up with them while being in such close proximity.



On the relationship front.....things are going wonderfully ! We have made it to the six month mark just this week and we BOTH are pretty proud of that fact and still excited about it. I am still smiling everyday and feeling blessed to have found someone that accepts me as I am. Also, I think I am going to give my honey (formerly known as Eastcoast) a new blog name, Mr. Mixologist for a couple of reasons. First and foremost because of his talents with creative libations. He prepared some Lemon Drop Martini's for me and my girls to take with us to NOLA and baby, we were feeling it as soon as we got settled in our rooms and broke into that cooler ! He also makes a mean Cosmo and a Mojito that will make you think you are down in Cuba ! Secondly, because he is a hilarious jokester, that keeps me on my toes daily. He is always teasing me and makes me laugh at myself all the time. We have all these inside jokes now, where he or I can say one word, that reminds us of something that we were laughing at last week and we are dying laughing again ! I really like that about him.



This year my birthday is pretty low key since I had the big 3 day Extravaganza last year. However, I do have some family coming in this weekend that will be meeting Mr. Mixologist for the first time. I am both excited and nervous about that. There is one person in particular that I really want him to click with, but I want it to happen naturally. Mr. Mixologist plans to take him to his Cigar spot & just might get him some extra points.



My nieces and nephew will be here soon, to wear me out for a couple of weeks before they head back to school. I am sure to have some blog fodder during their visit, so hopefully I can get into a habit of posting more timely.



Lately, I have been doing more listening and asking more questions and being quiet so I can hear HIM. I am definitely being more reflective these days and being open to receive what is for me. I am learning to accept some things in a real way. This has led me to experience a level of contentment that I haven't felt in a while. It feels good.



Be Blessed !


Beautifully Complex

M. I. A.

It has been more than a minute since I posted on my poor little blog here. I have been reading my favorites and commenting where I can, but just have not found the time. Admittedly, I am caught up in this new relationship and enjoying it tremendously and that has been a huge factor and major distraction. I am on Twitter too, even though I can't always comment a lot because I spend the majority of time behind the wheel of a car while working and can't always tweet, that has kept me from blogging too. But even beyond the blog, I have been MIA in many areas of my life, so caught up in the "new new" (TIH 2009) with this man known here as Eastcoast :) Things are going so well, I think I want to give him a different, more appropriate blog name at some point, but I need to think on it. Any ideas or suggestions ?

Spring Break with my nieces and nephew was wonderful. We crammed so many activities into that week, that I had to call my boss late that week to ask for Monday off just to recover ! We took the kids horseback riding, painted ceramics, did some baking and cooking,  went to Galveston Beach, swimming at a waterpark & hosted a back to school cookout at the house for them and some of my friends kids that live here. Eastcoast was a huge help to me that week, even taking vacation for 3 days to help out. Though he has no children of his own, he is wonderful with kids, extremely patient and very attentive. My nieces ate him up ! LOL.  He helped me with lifeguard duty, help me break up squabbles, he barbecued, and even drove the whole way back to meet their parents for the drop off Sunday.  One of my friends jokingly said, he needs to stop "showing off" LOL ! He also got a chance to meet my sister and BIL, who in turn gave a good report to my parents and some other family members who have been super curious about him, because things are going well for us so far. Neither of us have family in Houston, so it has just been the two of us getting to know one another, so far it has been wonderful. 

We celebrated his birthday a couple of weeks ago along with some of my close friends.  We surprised the Birthday boy and went to Monnalisa a lounge at Hotel Sorella and had a wonderful time. We all started off drinking Martini's but later in the evening the female bartender sold me on their signature drink she had created called the Monnalisa that had some rasberry infused Vodka with some fresh rasberries too, and it was soooo awesome ! I partied like it was my birthday ! We later moved  outside onto the patio where they have some beautiful gazebo's on the edge of the pool and they have LED lights in the pool that change colors. I love hanging out in City Centre and great time was had by all. 

The next day we celebrated solo. I surprised him with a trip to the Day Spa for a couples massage, which he had never experienced before. It was hilarious to see him out of his "comfort zone". He had no idea what we were going to do that day, but he rolled with it and was a good sport about it. He thoroughly enjoyed himself  & actually snored a time or two on the table. Me and both of the masseuses were laughing at that ! Later, we went to see Tyler's new movie and that night for dinner I chose his favorite, Japanese. We went to a new place that has great Sushi and ended up with this hilarious black Hibachi chef who should quit his day job and become a comedian for real. He was so funny ! He really took a liking to Eastcoast & by the end of the night, the chef who had a couple of his friends at the restaurant, bought us all some Sake shots to celebrate. He loved the birthday gifts I selected and was very appreciative of everything. He is not big on birthday's and I really am, so I just had to try to indoctrinate him ! LOL He shared with me the next day that it was the best birthday he's had in a very long time. I really enjoyed making him feel special, because he makes me feel special every day. 

That's enough gushing for the day, I am sure, but happiness is hard to contain sometimes :)

I am gonna do my best to post at least weekly, starting today.

Beautifully Complex

Open and Closed

All this "Open Marriage" nonsense has gotten the best of me ! What a stupid oxymoron. Marriage is a covenant, which is closed, not open. It is a holy covenant between a man a woman, and their God for a lifetime. Simple as that. It kills me when we start trying to create the things that we want and call it something it's not. Plain and simple, relationships outside of marriage while married is adultery, just like sex before marriage is fornication. So when you are married and give your spouse an open invitation to commit adultery, just call it what it is, a "sham". So it seems, the counterpoint to this is all of the cheating that goes on in marriages, that is being kept "secret" and the idea is that if you are "open" then you can have outside relations as long as you are honest about it. Seriously ? That makes it OK ?

If you have never experienced adultery inside of a marriage, I don't know if you can ever be prepared for how it truly affects you. Especially if cheating, or the suspicion of it, is not something that you ever encountered when dealing with your spouse even before marriage. I really don't see how knowing about it in advance could really minimize how it makes you feel, how it can destroy you. There are all of these ideas floating around the internet & in discussions with folks about monogamy and why it is not realistic, etc. I guess my point is, if you can't be monogamous, then why get married at all ? I fail to understand why folks can't just stay in their lane. Why don't all the people who believe that we are not meant to be monogamous deal with those who feel the same way, and leave marriage for those who truly believe in the Covenant and stop making a mockery of it. I mean why not just "shack up" as the old folks used to say. Whats wrong with just having an " open relationship" ? I just don't get it.

Interestingly enough, when my ex-husband cheated, I actually was willing to try to work through it. Trust me, no one was more surprised about that than me. Before we got married, when we talked about cheating, adultery, etc. I was always the one who insisted it was a deal breaker & was convinced I could not get over it. However when confronted with the reality, I found that I felt totally different. I did not want to lose my husband, my marriage, or my life as it was. In hindsight, I think I was more afraid of the loss of our relationship and friendship after such a betrayal, and I did fear divorce and how it would totally change my life (it did), but what I didn't initially understand was how much was actually already lost by the time he decided to step out. The simple fact is, some things you lose cannot be recovered, ever. It didn't matter in my case, because in his mind, he was already gone once he made that choice, he did not want to reconcile, so ultimately we divorced. The truth is, I will never really know if I could have gotten over it or not, or whether we could have ever had a positive relationship. It may have been impossible.

I have a couple friends and some close family members whose marriages have actually survived adultery. I can honestly admit that I have been envious of the fact that some of those marriages survived, because they have not lost all of the things that I had to lose and have not had to go through the life rebuilding and many transitions that I have. I am not proud of my envy. But truthfully, not all of these marriages that have survived are to be envied, because upon closer inspection, I see what has been lost. There is one marriage that I can honestly say IS better for it, but I still don't know if I believe that the trust can ever be recovered, or that you can have anything close to what you had before such a betrayal, especially when the woman has cheated.

I have begun to consider for real whether or not you can really continue to have the type of intimacy that I crave in a relationship, when you know the other party has cheated, permission granted or not, and I just can't see it. But I understand that everyone's expectations are different. Since the only legitimate grounds for divorce in the bible is adultery, I think God understood exactly what he was doing. I am dating a new guy, EastCoast, we talk about everything that we both have experienced, the good and the bad, in past relationships. He is 39 never been married, but has several close friends that are married some happily and some not. We talk about many things as it pertains to relationships and marriage. He is adamant that cheating for him is a deal breaker. I initially tried to explain to him that sometimes you may not be prepared for how you feel in a situation & there are many things to weigh and consider. I only expressed this to him because I remember I was as adamant as he is about this issue BEFORE I was married & ended up feeling totally different when presented with the situation. Also, I personally know a MAN who was willing to forgive his WIFE for cheating, and I know how unusual that is. But I will say this, I am leaning towards my original position before I got married the first time, that adultery is a deal breaker. I am thinking that my first mind was right. I do believe there should be some lines that you do not cross. People are always so bent on looking for the exception, the short cut, the get around, but truly what is wrong with having a standard, some integrity ? I think we should open our minds to what the true intent of the marriage covenant is, instead of looking for the way around it.

And as NeNe from RHOA told Kim " Close your legs to Married Men" LMAO!

Do you believe in monogamy ?

Does it seem that cheating these days has become common ?

What are your thoughts on "open marriages" ?

Do you think that trust can ever be retrieved after adultery ?

Beautifully Complex