I guess I will go ahead and weigh in on the Tiger Woods situation since its all anyone can talk about at the moment. The most interesting thing to me is the delusional idea that many "jumpoffs", "mistresses" or whatever you want to call them have about the cheaters willingness to "cheat" on them. OK, newsflash, a man cannot cheat "on" you when he is cheating "with" you. That is what you call an oxymoron. I took note of the fact that the first girl that came out of the woodwork did nothing but adamantly deny that she and Tiger were anything but friends, that is UNTIL the other mistresses starting coming out for their 15 minutes of fame. I guess her intention was to be loyal to Tiger and show him that she was down for him and had his back, and would not throw him under the bus, but she soon found out the joke was on her. I guess you are OK with being the sideline chick as long as you are the ONLY sideline ? But once you find out that you are not the only one, then all bets are off ? I mean, you expect faithfulness from a man who is cheating on his wife? WTF I mean where does this arrogance come from ?
I know a guy, who is a friend of a friend, he is married for many years, I am sure his wife knows he cheats, there is no way she could not, in my opinion. I honestly think she won't divorce him out of pure spite (or maybe she has her own man on the side). For me, the whole marriage is a sham but thats a story for another blog. Either way, in addition to having produced an outside child during the marriage, he has exactly THREE count 'em, THREE, long-term outside chicks that he has dealt with for YEARS. He spends 1 or 2 days a week with each one of these ladies, including overnight stays. He sees them all consistently enough for them to all be deluded into the idea that they are in a real relationship with him. I have personally met two of the women at social gatherings. He even goes to church pretty consistently (every other Sunday) with one of them ! Many times either one of these women is getting the short end of the time spent, but the most important detail is ,THEY ALL KNOW HE IS MARRIED BUT DO NOT KNOW THE OTHER GIRLFRIENDS EXIST. He has come close to getting busted on many occasions, not by the wife, but by one of the girlfriends & he works hard to keep them unaware of one another. Why ? Because somehow if any of them found out about the other, they might want to end the relationship. WTF? They are cool with the fact he has a wife, but another sideline......Oh Hell no ! LOL How ignorant.
This reminds me of a very unpleasant memory from my past. I am divorced. My ex-husband got caught up infidelity while we were living apart temporarily due to his job transfer. He was in LA & I was in Houston. By the time I figured it out, he was in a full fledged affair, with a women who was convinced that he was going to divorce me and be with her. She knew that he was married. I had just recently found out about her and my ex had expressed to me that he intended to end it with her so that he could try and work things out with me. I was devastated but did not want to divorce and was willing to try and mend the marriage and prayed that he would remove her from the equation to give us a chance. I wasn't very surprised when I got a call from her at 5:00AM one morning from California. She took this opportunity to enlighten me as to all that had gone on between herself and my husband. The most interesting thing about the conversation was what had actually prompted her call to me on this particular day. She admitted that he had tried to break things off with her & told her he wanted to work things out with his wife, she admitted that she was hurt angry & upset, she admitted that she was stalking him, because he was no longer giving her access to him, and on this particular evening that she was calling me, she had followed my husband from his apartment & confronted him with a woman that she had assumed was ME only to be told that it was NOT me ! A whole lot of drama ensued to the point that the police had to be called. It was a mess ! He later actually called me and confirmed this whole event, even admitting that he was on a "date" LOL ! to try and paint her as a "crazy stalker chick". Either way, I found it interesting that she felt the need to call me and tell me that my husband was cheating on us! Because for sure that was her goal, to be sure that I knew all that he was doing to both of us! I. HAVE.NO.WORDS.
As the saying goes, "How you get your man, is how you lose him".
Why don't women understand that, cheaters do what cheaters do.........cheat ?
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Breaking the Silence
Yesterday I mentioned a guy that I met about six weeks ago online. I met him on this site called P.lenty of F.ish that Tiffany in Houston told me about. I've been on the site for about 3 months & have met a couple of nice guys just no connection yet. So one day this guy contacts me first by email & the communication begins. We had two or three good phone conversations, got past the basic background info, 41, divorced for a little over a year, a couple of kids back in VA, retired military, no red flags at all. We decided to meet within a week. We met at a nice wine bar(of course) and had great conversation, he wasn't overly touchy or anything, but after a couple of hours of conversation and a couple of glasses of vino, I was feeling comfortable and so was he, and I was feeling a little cozy, but the conversation never really got into weird territory or anything. I thought I was feeling some chemistry & after 4 hours of talking, laughing & him planning our next date, I just knew I would see him again, and soon. He walked me to my car, we shared a nice kiss before departing & even chatted early the next morning to discuss finalizing the plans for our followup date. He was headed to his dads house to watch football & was supposed to call me around 6P. When he didn't call me I called him later that evening around 8P & left a voice mail. I called again the next day but hung up when his voice mail picked up. I was going to leave the ball in his court. I never heard from him again and I never initiated any more contact. That was six weeks ago.
Breaking the Silence
That was what he wrote in the subject line of the email I got yesterday. The rest read as follows :
Dear Beautifully Complex,
I know I'm wrong but hear me out, I did enjoy our night together but I don't think, you were looking for the same thing as me. I'm not looking to settle down right now, I am looking to play a little first. I am kinda heavy into the swingers life style right now and I did not read that from you at all. If I was wrong please let me know !!
Wow ! Just wow! Did I dodge a bullet or what ? I promptly replied :
I appreciate your explanation, because honestly, I was very confused by your disappearing act. But as I explained to you and showed you, I don't pursue men who don't seem interested in me. I know that my profile states that I am looking for "long term" and "children" so I am not sure why you had any indication that I was open to that type of lifestyle, or why you would have approached me from the beginning, but I appreciate you letting me know the deal just the same. I have been divorced for over 3 years and have pretty much played as much as I need to & am trying to be true to who I am as a woman. So, no you did not read me wrong at all ! We are definitely looking for totally different things. I wish you success in your search for your hearts desire.
Beautifully Complex
The truth really is stranger than fiction. I mean I could not make this stuff up ! Initially I told one of my friends that I figured that he must have lied about his status ( i. e, he was either married or separated) and figured out from our conversation on the date that it would not fly with me. Later, I just considered that he is single and dating & just encountered someone he was more interested in than me. But the idea that he is a swin.ger and looking to recruit me ! LOL You could have knocked me over with a feather.
I will never understand why people feel the need to fish in the wrong pond. I mean the internet is full of specialized websites to fit just about any niche that exists. This particular dating site has numerous parameters that you can set to determine whom you would like to date. The categories are almost endless. So why pursue someones profile who is completely opposite of what you are trying to do ? What happened to compatibility as a criteria ?Are men just that caught up in the challenge of changing your mind or trying to chop you down ? I am really curious as to what made him contact me after six weeks. I mean, I clearly moved on & he got absolutely no contact from me to indicate that I was even wondering what was up, I did a vanishing act myself after 2 unanswered calls which is customary for me when there is no reciprocity.
The last line killed me " If I was wrong please let me know " HA ! I guess this was his last ditch effort to pull me into this nonsense. Now that I am thinking about it, this fool probably contacted me again because he is not having any luck recruiting any other unsuspecting victims, so he's decided to use the direct approach, yeah just put it out there & see what she says ! LOL Oh well, at least I got a blog post out of it !
Have you ever met any real life swingers ? Ever been recruited or invited to participate ?
Breaking the Silence
That was what he wrote in the subject line of the email I got yesterday. The rest read as follows :
Dear Beautifully Complex,
I know I'm wrong but hear me out, I did enjoy our night together but I don't think, you were looking for the same thing as me. I'm not looking to settle down right now, I am looking to play a little first. I am kinda heavy into the swingers life style right now and I did not read that from you at all. If I was wrong please let me know !!
Wow ! Just wow! Did I dodge a bullet or what ? I promptly replied :
I appreciate your explanation, because honestly, I was very confused by your disappearing act. But as I explained to you and showed you, I don't pursue men who don't seem interested in me. I know that my profile states that I am looking for "long term" and "children" so I am not sure why you had any indication that I was open to that type of lifestyle, or why you would have approached me from the beginning, but I appreciate you letting me know the deal just the same. I have been divorced for over 3 years and have pretty much played as much as I need to & am trying to be true to who I am as a woman. So, no you did not read me wrong at all ! We are definitely looking for totally different things. I wish you success in your search for your hearts desire.
Beautifully Complex
The truth really is stranger than fiction. I mean I could not make this stuff up ! Initially I told one of my friends that I figured that he must have lied about his status ( i. e, he was either married or separated) and figured out from our conversation on the date that it would not fly with me. Later, I just considered that he is single and dating & just encountered someone he was more interested in than me. But the idea that he is a swin.ger and looking to recruit me ! LOL You could have knocked me over with a feather.
I will never understand why people feel the need to fish in the wrong pond. I mean the internet is full of specialized websites to fit just about any niche that exists. This particular dating site has numerous parameters that you can set to determine whom you would like to date. The categories are almost endless. So why pursue someones profile who is completely opposite of what you are trying to do ? What happened to compatibility as a criteria ?Are men just that caught up in the challenge of changing your mind or trying to chop you down ? I am really curious as to what made him contact me after six weeks. I mean, I clearly moved on & he got absolutely no contact from me to indicate that I was even wondering what was up, I did a vanishing act myself after 2 unanswered calls which is customary for me when there is no reciprocity.
The last line killed me " If I was wrong please let me know " HA ! I guess this was his last ditch effort to pull me into this nonsense. Now that I am thinking about it, this fool probably contacted me again because he is not having any luck recruiting any other unsuspecting victims, so he's decided to use the direct approach, yeah just put it out there & see what she says ! LOL Oh well, at least I got a blog post out of it !
Have you ever met any real life swingers ? Ever been recruited or invited to participate ?
Just Me...Randomly
Greetings Blog family ! I know I have been MIA but sometimes when so much is coming your way, you have to unplug from certain aspects of life just a little bit and refocus. I think it is very beneficial and necessary.
My closest friend lost her mother just two weeks ago, this has been a very challenging time. I have been as supportive as possible but still feel so helpless. How do you comfort someone when they lose their mother, when she was the truest essence of that word ?
Speaking of mothers, I saw the movie "Precious" and was reminded of how much in this life so many people take for granted. All of what we have is through his Grace and Mercy. No question, we also have the power to change some things in our lives, but where you have to start from is not in our hands.
One of my high school classmates father passed away yesterday. He had a massive heart attack while jogging. He was one of my favorite teachers and a much loved coach at our school. I feel so numb.
My mother's doctor found some spots on her liver a few weeks ago, after many tests, lots of worry, fear and of course prayers, she has been given positive news. Thank you Lord.
It is really hard to realize that I am moving into the phase of life where my friends begin to lose their parents & mortality in general is in your face. Its the cycle of life, but still shakes me to think of it.
On to a lighter note, I will be home for an extended time for Thanksgiving and looking forward to spending time with my nieces, nephew and the rest of the family, counting my blessings with not enough fingers and toes to do so.
I was able to recruit even more family members to participate in the Turkey Trot again this year. I am trying my best to promote health and fitness & they are fighting me but still coming along although its begrudgingly :)
I met a guy about 6 weeks ago, we had a few really good conversations, a seemingly great first date (it lasted 4 hours), with a promise of another date in short order.........and then he vanished into thin air. No response to my calls or texts. I was puzzled for many days, then let it go. Yesterday he sent me an email with his explanation....it was interesting. I will blog about it tomorrow.
I have a good friend, whose step-son is gay. He just turned 17. She has known him since he was four years old when she started dating his dad & has been his stepmother for about 10 years. They have a very close relationship. It was obvious to me by the time he was nine or ten. I watch how he interacts with both of them & he is more comfortable around her and less so around his dad. He puts on a different persona when he is around his dad, but its still obvious to me. She says she has known since he was probably six, but it was confirmed for her when she saw some pictures on his m.ys.pace page a couple of years ago. His father is in total denial. He forced him to delete his profile, but still won't acknowledge the obvious. He is a "man's man". He thinks he can change his son by changing his behavior & will never accept it. My friend is in the middle. I feel sorry for each one of them. I wish I could help, but this is such a sensitive matter.
Comments ? Suggestions ? Whats going on random with you ?
My closest friend lost her mother just two weeks ago, this has been a very challenging time. I have been as supportive as possible but still feel so helpless. How do you comfort someone when they lose their mother, when she was the truest essence of that word ?
Speaking of mothers, I saw the movie "Precious" and was reminded of how much in this life so many people take for granted. All of what we have is through his Grace and Mercy. No question, we also have the power to change some things in our lives, but where you have to start from is not in our hands.
One of my high school classmates father passed away yesterday. He had a massive heart attack while jogging. He was one of my favorite teachers and a much loved coach at our school. I feel so numb.
My mother's doctor found some spots on her liver a few weeks ago, after many tests, lots of worry, fear and of course prayers, she has been given positive news. Thank you Lord.
It is really hard to realize that I am moving into the phase of life where my friends begin to lose their parents & mortality in general is in your face. Its the cycle of life, but still shakes me to think of it.
On to a lighter note, I will be home for an extended time for Thanksgiving and looking forward to spending time with my nieces, nephew and the rest of the family, counting my blessings with not enough fingers and toes to do so.
I was able to recruit even more family members to participate in the Turkey Trot again this year. I am trying my best to promote health and fitness & they are fighting me but still coming along although its begrudgingly :)
I met a guy about 6 weeks ago, we had a few really good conversations, a seemingly great first date (it lasted 4 hours), with a promise of another date in short order.........and then he vanished into thin air. No response to my calls or texts. I was puzzled for many days, then let it go. Yesterday he sent me an email with his explanation....it was interesting. I will blog about it tomorrow.
I have a good friend, whose step-son is gay. He just turned 17. She has known him since he was four years old when she started dating his dad & has been his stepmother for about 10 years. They have a very close relationship. It was obvious to me by the time he was nine or ten. I watch how he interacts with both of them & he is more comfortable around her and less so around his dad. He puts on a different persona when he is around his dad, but its still obvious to me. She says she has known since he was probably six, but it was confirmed for her when she saw some pictures on his m.ys.pace page a couple of years ago. His father is in total denial. He forced him to delete his profile, but still won't acknowledge the obvious. He is a "man's man". He thinks he can change his son by changing his behavior & will never accept it. My friend is in the middle. I feel sorry for each one of them. I wish I could help, but this is such a sensitive matter.
Comments ? Suggestions ? Whats going on random with you ?
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Wine Enthusiast !
One of the coolest Bloggers on the Planet, Serenity is having a contest over at her spot this week. I am trying to get some bonus points & try to win a little something, plus you might win yourself so be sure to head over there and check her out !http://serenity23.blogspot.com/2009/09/its-party-yall.html
I have been lea.rning more about wine for the last couple of years and have actually learned to enjoy it quite a bit. My favorites are whites, like Pino Grigio, Gewurztraminer, and Riesling. Most of my friends are on the bandwagon now, but I always enjoy taking someone to a new spot. There are numerous Wine Bars popping up all over Houston lately like, Cel.lar 17 and one owned by a young brother called 55 De.greez.
Today I will let you in on a few of my favorites in the Houston area. The first one is called Vinotropolis. Now I really like this place because the staff is extremely helpful and not at all pretentious like some places. I would recommend this place because the owners have tasted EVERY bottle on the shelf and have these little cards attached to the shelves that gives you a very specific & detailed explanation of the flavors and what the wine tastes like. This is very helpful for beginners. You can check their site out here.http://www.vintropolisbar.com/
I have been lea.rning more about wine for the last couple of years and have actually learned to enjoy it quite a bit. My favorites are whites, like Pino Grigio, Gewurztraminer, and Riesling. Most of my friends are on the bandwagon now, but I always enjoy taking someone to a new spot. There are numerous Wine Bars popping up all over Houston lately like, Cel.lar 17 and one owned by a young brother called 55 De.greez.
Today I will let you in on a few of my favorites in the Houston area. The first one is called Vinotropolis. Now I really like this place because the staff is extremely helpful and not at all pretentious like some places. I would recommend this place because the owners have tasted EVERY bottle on the shelf and have these little cards attached to the shelves that gives you a very specific & detailed explanation of the flavors and what the wine tastes like. This is very helpful for beginners. You can check their site out here.http://www.vintropolisbar.com/
Another really nice one is called Crush. Now its located in The Woodlands which is a really nice suburb just north of Houston, but don't that that deter you. This Wine Bar has two levels. My favorite spot is the roof top Patio which overlooks the waterway. Its really cool, especially at night and has lots of draped Gazebo's and reminds me of a place I went to in Miami several years ago. This is a nice place to take a date or a group of friends. Check it out !http://www.thecrushbar.com/gallery.php
Finally, my most favorite place in Houston, and a pretty well kept secret for a little while at least, is Son.oma Wine Bar & Boutique. This place is really cozy and intimate, they have a wonderful fireplace and you feel like you are sitting in someones well appointed living room. The wine of course is great but surprsingly the food is amazing too. They have expanded their menu quite a bit in the year and half I have been hanging out here. I had a wonderful party this past summer to celebrate my 40th Birthday & everyone really enjoyed the Wine and the food. I got so many compliments because so many people never even knew this place existed.You can check there site out too. Be sure to click on the photo gallery to see how they set it out ! http://www.sonomahouston.com/
I like to think of myself as an up an coming Wine Enthusiast, but my sister just calls me a "Win-o" LOL ! If you are ever in Houston, try to hit up one of these spots and I am sure you will enjoy it tremendously.
What are some cool spots for wine in your city ?
What is your favorite type of wine ?
How many glasses does it take for you to feel mellow ?
Monday, September 7, 2009
Chivalry ....is still alive, Right ? Pt. 1
Chivalry; marked by high-minded consideration especially to women, including honor, generosity and courtesy.
There is a line between guys who are master manipulators of women and guys who are just true gentlemen. Of course I have experienced the full spectrum and I have learned how to recognize the signs. The only way I can be affected by either is if I am actually attracted to you or interested in you first. It's easy for me to spot manipulators especially if you are not my type and you just don't pique my interest. I see the game coming from a mile away. It's also easy for me see a gentleman as well even if you don't appeal to me personally. If I am attracted, I am paying close attention to the most minor details and taking note.
Chris Rock has a sketch in one of his shows where he talks about men not being able to go backwards chexually & women not being able to go back in "lifestyle". It's pretty graphic the way he spells it out but if you can get past his crudeness, I think for many people this is true to a de.gree. I think I can handle the lifestyle part. Having gone through some things in my life personally, I have had to adjust to a change in lifestyle, i.e; div.orce equals one inc.ome vs. two and all that comes with that. My ex outearned me significantly, and I recognize that I may not find myself in a similar situation again, and truthfully I am OK with that because I maintain a lifestyle that I am happy with on my own. I do have some standards and expectations for a partner in that area, but clearly they are not necessarily straight in line with what I had before. Not that I wouldn't want that, it's just not a requirement.
What I have learned to focus more on these days is how a man treats me, specifically how chivalrous he is. I have experienced certain levels of treatment that I have come to expect. I will blog about the others later. Several things can set the stage early on for me but today we are going to talk about just one;
Consideration of anothers time.
For the record, I am known to be a little bit late alot of the time, my family and my closest friends know this about me. I am a bit of a procrastinator but I AM working on it & have improved ALOT. My family accepts it because my mother is waaay worse than me & always has been. They know that I really did get it honestly. I have a sister who got the same unfortunate trait & believe it or not, I am better about time than either of them. My close friends except it simply because, despite this trait, I am a pretty awesome friend ! LOL However, I am always prompt when dealing with people that I don't know well, in professional settings, and also in dating. So a guy who is just getting to know me has no idea, that I can have this tendency because afterall he doesn't really know me & has not spent alot of time with me, so it really bothers me when guys don't call me to say they are running late, or give me the opportunity to adjust what I am doing to accomodate the time change. I mean maybe I could have spent another 10 minutes on my hair if I had known right ?
Just yesterday, I was to have a movie date after church with a guy I have been on 3 previous dates with. As I reflect on this now, I am remembering that he was over 20 minutes late to our first date at a pool hall & did not call. I called him after 10 minutes to make sure I was at the right place because there were 2 similar places in the same vicinity & he was "just around the corner". Anyway, back to yesterday. We discussed some possible movies & I was supposed to get a return call from him in a "little bit" to confirm the show and time. What I got was a call over 4 hours later only to say that he had started to feel ill, had laid down to rest, then accidentally fell asleep & was just waking up. He had awakened to then realize he needed to call me to say that he was still "sick" & he would need a raincheck. How inconsiderate ! Of course he apologized profusely, saying he hoped that he didn't ruin my day or any other plans I may have had, blah, blah, blah ! Of course you ruined my day. Any other options I may have had had passed me by because I left Sunday open for you, but I digress. I guess after a couple of hours I realized that I was being stood up, which is why I didn't call him (pride). Anyway, after he made his excuses, me being the passive aggressive person that these men have led me to become, I simply stated, " I hope you feel better, get some rest. We will talk another time". NOT. I will not be making or receiving any more calls from this clown. I can honestly say that I was willing to try to get to know this guy a little bit better, since I am starting to feel like a " serial dater". There were a couple of things on our last date that kind of bothered me a bit, but after discussing with a couple of friends, I decided to just try to spend some more time getting to know him a little bit better, but after yesterday, I am just not sure I am interested anymore simply because of his lack of consideration of my time. Even if he was truly sick (which is doubtful) the presentation was just all wrong. Chivalry is still alive......right?
What is the proper protocol for cancelling a date ?
How important is the consideration of anothers time in dating ?
Should a gentleman's behavior be contingent on his level of interest or is a true gentleman always a gentleman ?
There is a line between guys who are master manipulators of women and guys who are just true gentlemen. Of course I have experienced the full spectrum and I have learned how to recognize the signs. The only way I can be affected by either is if I am actually attracted to you or interested in you first. It's easy for me to spot manipulators especially if you are not my type and you just don't pique my interest. I see the game coming from a mile away. It's also easy for me see a gentleman as well even if you don't appeal to me personally. If I am attracted, I am paying close attention to the most minor details and taking note.
Chris Rock has a sketch in one of his shows where he talks about men not being able to go backwards chexually & women not being able to go back in "lifestyle". It's pretty graphic the way he spells it out but if you can get past his crudeness, I think for many people this is true to a de.gree. I think I can handle the lifestyle part. Having gone through some things in my life personally, I have had to adjust to a change in lifestyle, i.e; div.orce equals one inc.ome vs. two and all that comes with that. My ex outearned me significantly, and I recognize that I may not find myself in a similar situation again, and truthfully I am OK with that because I maintain a lifestyle that I am happy with on my own. I do have some standards and expectations for a partner in that area, but clearly they are not necessarily straight in line with what I had before. Not that I wouldn't want that, it's just not a requirement.
What I have learned to focus more on these days is how a man treats me, specifically how chivalrous he is. I have experienced certain levels of treatment that I have come to expect. I will blog about the others later. Several things can set the stage early on for me but today we are going to talk about just one;
Consideration of anothers time.
For the record, I am known to be a little bit late alot of the time, my family and my closest friends know this about me. I am a bit of a procrastinator but I AM working on it & have improved ALOT. My family accepts it because my mother is waaay worse than me & always has been. They know that I really did get it honestly. I have a sister who got the same unfortunate trait & believe it or not, I am better about time than either of them. My close friends except it simply because, despite this trait, I am a pretty awesome friend ! LOL However, I am always prompt when dealing with people that I don't know well, in professional settings, and also in dating. So a guy who is just getting to know me has no idea, that I can have this tendency because afterall he doesn't really know me & has not spent alot of time with me, so it really bothers me when guys don't call me to say they are running late, or give me the opportunity to adjust what I am doing to accomodate the time change. I mean maybe I could have spent another 10 minutes on my hair if I had known right ?
Just yesterday, I was to have a movie date after church with a guy I have been on 3 previous dates with. As I reflect on this now, I am remembering that he was over 20 minutes late to our first date at a pool hall & did not call. I called him after 10 minutes to make sure I was at the right place because there were 2 similar places in the same vicinity & he was "just around the corner". Anyway, back to yesterday. We discussed some possible movies & I was supposed to get a return call from him in a "little bit" to confirm the show and time. What I got was a call over 4 hours later only to say that he had started to feel ill, had laid down to rest, then accidentally fell asleep & was just waking up. He had awakened to then realize he needed to call me to say that he was still "sick" & he would need a raincheck. How inconsiderate ! Of course he apologized profusely, saying he hoped that he didn't ruin my day or any other plans I may have had, blah, blah, blah ! Of course you ruined my day. Any other options I may have had had passed me by because I left Sunday open for you, but I digress. I guess after a couple of hours I realized that I was being stood up, which is why I didn't call him (pride). Anyway, after he made his excuses, me being the passive aggressive person that these men have led me to become, I simply stated, " I hope you feel better, get some rest. We will talk another time". NOT. I will not be making or receiving any more calls from this clown. I can honestly say that I was willing to try to get to know this guy a little bit better, since I am starting to feel like a " serial dater". There were a couple of things on our last date that kind of bothered me a bit, but after discussing with a couple of friends, I decided to just try to spend some more time getting to know him a little bit better, but after yesterday, I am just not sure I am interested anymore simply because of his lack of consideration of my time. Even if he was truly sick (which is doubtful) the presentation was just all wrong. Chivalry is still alive......right?
What is the proper protocol for cancelling a date ?
How important is the consideration of anothers time in dating ?
Should a gentleman's behavior be contingent on his level of interest or is a true gentleman always a gentleman ?
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Happy Birthday Babs in Blogland !
Today is the 35th Birthday of one of my most favorite bloggers, Babs.
I always enjoy reading about her daily adventures, shenanigans and fun times. She has truly been an inspiration to me, and is such a helpful, wise and considerate young lady.
Hop on over to her spot http://babsinblogland.com/ & wish her the best !
Love ya Babs !
I always enjoy reading about her daily adventures, shenanigans and fun times. She has truly been an inspiration to me, and is such a helpful, wise and considerate young lady.
Hop on over to her spot http://babsinblogland.com/ & wish her the best !
Love ya Babs !
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Thoughtful Thursday-"Laws of Attraction"
I read alot of blogs, so much so, that I have been neglecting my own. Along with Fa.cebook (which is like micro-blogging and more interactive) has kept me away from here for far too long. I am going to try to do better now that summer is almost over. I am currently on a couple of d.ating sit.es too which has also been keeping me occupied. Many of the of blogs I read are dating & relationship oriented & run the gamut from the serious to the hilariously banal. Seems like so many people are in and out of relationships and marriage yet still in "search of satisfaction" as my favorite author J. California Cooper would say. Dating & connecting with people should be fun in my opinion & I know that in the past I have taken a hiatus when it began to feel like a chore to me. I can usually tell when that happens, I get too focused on the search & the failed attempts, which can become exhausting. This then leads to me not being able to muster up much enthusiasm & knowing that this attitude will be what I reflect in my interactions with potential dates, I choose to sit it out for a minute so that I can regroup. I had to do that twice in the last year.
I did decide nearing my milestone birthday this year, that I really wanted to take the focus off of one of my personal goals (to be married again one day) and spend more of my time enjoying the journey. I am trying to be mindful of what I attract based on what I myself project. There was a post this week over at Think Pretty Smart about compatibility. I am in total agreement with this & actually already had something very similar lined out in my dating profiles. I am looking for compatibility in five key areas; spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, physically & financially. I am continually working to improve myself in these areas but am already standing pretty solid where I am now & feel confident that I can attract what I project. I know it may be challenging though & I actually had a sort of spirited debate with a guy a couple of weeks ago while on a date no less. He basically told me that I was expecting too much. The funny thing is, I never specify to potential dates what my actual expectations are in these categories, because I have learned the hard way that some people will attempt to deceive you and try to stretch the facts of who they are to fit your expectations.I couldn't figure out how he thought that I was expecting too much when he didn't even know what my specific standards were. I suspect he already knew he had fallen short of the proverbial bar. The poor little hardhead didn't have a chance with me anyway primarily because he reeked of desperation (this wasn't obvious the night we initally met while I was at a restaurant with some friends). He's divorced for less than 2 years & hasn't had a relationship in that time & kept talking about how bad he wanted to be in a relationship & how he hates "dating" yet in our discussion, it came out that he hadn't done much dating at all. All of his "woe is me" & "I hate being alone" was driving me mad!! It was a total turn off. Guys who just want to be in a relationship & give me the impression that they can just "plug any willing participant in" turn me on my heels. I know men feel the same way about desperate women. Needless to say that was our first and last date. LOL ! Honestly, I do my best to not project much of the disappointment that I myself sometimes feel about being single. I know that I am single today because I haven't connected with the right one. There are a couple of willing participants that just are not a fit for me, so I can patiently wait. I actually think I do a pretty good job in that I stay positive MOST of the time & feel like I live a pretty full life regardless of my relationship status.
I know I have some issues, as most all people do. However, I don't feel flawed and definitely don't look at those who may have successful relationships and feel like I am less than them or anything like that just because it has not happened for me yet, because I know better than that.I have a healthy dose of self-esteem, but something that I have begun to notice is that too many random folks are overly concerned with my dating life. I am not exactly sure why (possibly because most all of my friends are married or in relationships). In over 3 years of being divorced I have been in a couple of short lived relationships, but the rest were just dates that didn't lead anywhere. When I run into friends, or talk to cousins on the phone, or get calls from people I don't talk to often, after we've covered the issues at hand, then comes the long pause & THEY ALWAYS ask "......so, are you seeing anybody special ? " I always give a polite reply but honestly all of the collective pressure that I am made to feel by well intentioned folks is starting to irritate me. I am truly trying to live a "single and satisfied life" but I think society questions whether that is truly possible.
How would you react or respond ?
What are you attracted to in a potential mate ?
What do you think you reflect or project from a dating standpoint ?
Do you believe that single people can ever be truly satisfied ?
I did decide nearing my milestone birthday this year, that I really wanted to take the focus off of one of my personal goals (to be married again one day) and spend more of my time enjoying the journey. I am trying to be mindful of what I attract based on what I myself project. There was a post this week over at Think Pretty Smart about compatibility. I am in total agreement with this & actually already had something very similar lined out in my dating profiles. I am looking for compatibility in five key areas; spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, physically & financially. I am continually working to improve myself in these areas but am already standing pretty solid where I am now & feel confident that I can attract what I project. I know it may be challenging though & I actually had a sort of spirited debate with a guy a couple of weeks ago while on a date no less. He basically told me that I was expecting too much. The funny thing is, I never specify to potential dates what my actual expectations are in these categories, because I have learned the hard way that some people will attempt to deceive you and try to stretch the facts of who they are to fit your expectations.I couldn't figure out how he thought that I was expecting too much when he didn't even know what my specific standards were. I suspect he already knew he had fallen short of the proverbial bar. The poor little hardhead didn't have a chance with me anyway primarily because he reeked of desperation (this wasn't obvious the night we initally met while I was at a restaurant with some friends). He's divorced for less than 2 years & hasn't had a relationship in that time & kept talking about how bad he wanted to be in a relationship & how he hates "dating" yet in our discussion, it came out that he hadn't done much dating at all. All of his "woe is me" & "I hate being alone" was driving me mad!! It was a total turn off. Guys who just want to be in a relationship & give me the impression that they can just "plug any willing participant in" turn me on my heels. I know men feel the same way about desperate women. Needless to say that was our first and last date. LOL ! Honestly, I do my best to not project much of the disappointment that I myself sometimes feel about being single. I know that I am single today because I haven't connected with the right one. There are a couple of willing participants that just are not a fit for me, so I can patiently wait. I actually think I do a pretty good job in that I stay positive MOST of the time & feel like I live a pretty full life regardless of my relationship status.
I know I have some issues, as most all people do. However, I don't feel flawed and definitely don't look at those who may have successful relationships and feel like I am less than them or anything like that just because it has not happened for me yet, because I know better than that.I have a healthy dose of self-esteem, but something that I have begun to notice is that too many random folks are overly concerned with my dating life. I am not exactly sure why (possibly because most all of my friends are married or in relationships). In over 3 years of being divorced I have been in a couple of short lived relationships, but the rest were just dates that didn't lead anywhere. When I run into friends, or talk to cousins on the phone, or get calls from people I don't talk to often, after we've covered the issues at hand, then comes the long pause & THEY ALWAYS ask "......so, are you seeing anybody special ? " I always give a polite reply but honestly all of the collective pressure that I am made to feel by well intentioned folks is starting to irritate me. I am truly trying to live a "single and satisfied life" but I think society questions whether that is truly possible.
How would you react or respond ?
What are you attracted to in a potential mate ?
What do you think you reflect or project from a dating standpoint ?
Do you believe that single people can ever be truly satisfied ?
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